Stronger than fate
by Babygem
Summary: An imprint… a tragic death… how much can a single mind take before it caves in on itself?
1. Chapter 1: I'm sorry

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**Standard disclaimers apply: I own not any of this. Stephenie Meyer is the queen of Twilight.**

_**Story begins when Sam and Emily tell Leah that they are now 'together'**_

**SPOV**

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"Sam…" it was almost a whisper.

I could feel my heart breaking. The pain was driving me insane, but the frustration was worse. I loved Leah, I didn't want, in any way, to cause her pain. I hated myself for putting her through this, but more than that, I hated the fact that there was nothing I could do to ease her pain. I wanted to hold her and explain it to her. I wanted to erase the pain and hate that was now so evident in her eyes. I wanted to tell her that everything would be ok. I wanted her to look me in the eye and tell me that she understood.

I wanted… I wanted… I wanted… but that was all I could do. Wish, want… but it couldn't go that way. I felt repulsion for everything the old myths talked about, because it was all materializing in my life. How did life go so wrong in so short a time? I loved Leah but in a stronger inexplicable way, I now loved Emily. Maybe it would have been easier if the two girls weren't cousins… but then again, maybe not.

"You fucking son of a bitch." She didn't do as much as raise her voice.

"Leah, please…," Emily begged as she took a step toward Leah.

"Please what!" this time, her voice was louder and her tone was harsher.

"It's not his fault." Emily tried to defend me.

"Like hell it is!" Leah retorted. Her tone stopped Emily dead in her tracks which was probably a good idea. Leah was never one to fully control her anger.

"You don't understand…" Emily added softly. She didn't like to see Leah suffer either. She was trying her best to make Leah see some form of logic in this whole mess but the efforts were hopeless.

"Oh, I understand exactly what I need to. My boyfriend is dumping me for my cousin. I introduced you to him for crying out loud! What sort of a sick bitch does this to her own cousin?" Leah's anger was quickly turning to frustration but I knew her well. She would fight the tears with every ounce of strength she had left. She wouldn't let her weakness show… not in a battle where she was clearly losing.

"Lee…" I took a step forward and stretched my hand.

"Stay away from me you piece of scum!" she shot me a baleful glare which I knew too well that I deserved.

She gave Emily a disgusted look before storming to the kitchen. I followed her closely, still trying to get her to listen to me. She took a can of beer from the fridge and drowned it in one shot. She reached out and took a second one and did the same.

"Leah, please listen to me. You can't do this to yourself. I won't…"

"You won't what?" she cut me off, "Watch me wreck my life? Oh, there's no need to worry about that seeing you already saved me the trouble."

She reached out into the fridge and grabbed a bottle of wine. She popped off the cork and started drowning it straight from the bottle. I couldn't watch her do this anymore. I had to do something, but I felt as though my hands were tied. Emily was sobbing softly beside me, her breathing labored and her heart rate accelerated. I laid an assuring hand on her arm and squeezed a little.

She looked at me for a brief second before her attention moved back to her cousin. She was getting worried that Leah would drink herself sick and there was nothing we could do about it. I took a step toward her. She moved the bottle from her lips and gave me a hard look.

"I'm warning you, Sam Uley. Just one more step and you'll wish you'd never grown any balls." I could tell she meant what she said but that didn't stop me. When I was close enough, she took a swig from the bottle and then looked at Emily. A smile slowly spread across her face. Confused, I turned toward Emily. She looked as confused as I was. As I turned back to look at Leah, I came head-on with the bottle she was swinging at my face. It totally caught me by surprise; I had no chance at self defense. Pieces of broken glass scattered on the floor and the remainder of the wine soaked through my shirt. A warm liquid was flowing down my face and I immediately recognized the scent; my blood.

I knew the cut would heal within a few minutes but I wasn't so crazy about the pain. Emily pulled in a deep shocked breath before rushing to my side with a bunch of napkins from the table. I held the napkins to my face and turned back to Leah.

"If you knew what's good for you, you'd both leave my house before I do something we'll all regret." She stated simply.

"Leah…"

"I'm tired of hearing my name every few minutes. Get the fuck out of my house and save the remorse for somebody who actually cares!" she yelled.

"Sam… maybe we should give her some time too cool down." Emily suggested.

"I'll cool down when all the fire in hell has turned into ice. Until then, I'll be more than grateful if neither of you showed your faces around here."

"Leah…" Emily said softly.

"Get out and quit calling me. Uurrgghh!" Leah yelled.

I held Emily by the elbow and gently steered her toward the door. Her eyes were watering again. It hurt me so much to see both of them in pain that I almost shed tears of my own, but I knew I had to be strong. Not just for myself, but also for Leah and Emily.

When I got to the door, I turned back to Leah, wishing yet again, I could take away her pain. The anger in her eyes had been replaced by pain and sadness and the broken bottle had been replaced by yet another bottle.

She looked at me and simply shook her head. The message was clear to me. It was just as clear as though she had spoken out loud.

_How could you Sam, I trusted you._

_I'm sorry._ My eyes pleaded. I willed her to understand. I knew how much this was hurting her because more than anyone else, I knew the true Leah. I knew that deep beneath the tough personality there lay a sensitive person like any other, maybe even more vulnerable than anyone else.

As I turned my face away, I thought I saw a tear fall from her eye. Leah… the toughest girl I'd ever met was finally succumbing to her pain? This was too much for us all. As much as I wanted to turn back to her… to really confirm that Leah Clearwater was finally showing her weakness, I couldn't. I feared that through her weakness, my weakness would be revealed too. I feared that if I saw her tears, I wouldn't be able to hold mine back. I had to man it up and move on. As much as I loved her, I loved Emily more. I just had to find a way of living with that.

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	2. Chapter 2:how did this happen?

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**_Disclaimer: None of this belongs to me. Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer_**

**_Thank you all for your reviews and favs... i deeply appreciate._**

**_LPOV_**

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"Get out and quit calling me. Uurrgghh!" I yelled, frustrated.

At my words, Emily shrank in on herself and closed her eyes. She was a pitiful sight. She'd been crying since she got here but that didn't stop the anger from bubbling in me. She looked like she could just fall to pieces right then. I shouldn't have used that tone on her but I was getting tired. I was tired of her, tired of Sam, tired of… everything.

I hated to see her in this state but I was in no position to pity her. My boyfriend was dumping me for her, my once favorite cousin. I wondered if there was a manual out there explaining how one should react to such situation. I knew I had no right to blame her. It was hardly her fault, but that doesn't mean I wasn't angry. I was mad at her for coming between Sam and I, I was mad at myself for introducing them but worst of all, I was mad at Sam for breaking my heart. I hated both of them and whatever had brought them together.

I shot each one of them a baleful glare. This was one instance when I wished eyes could kill. I felt hurt and betrayed. I felt cheated and I cursed Sam for every single one of the promises he'd made to me. He promised to never leave me or hurt me but that was exactly what he was doing at this moment. I stared at them, wishing they weren't here at all.

I still didn't see why they came to apologize. It made no sense at all. At first, I thought they were here to rub it in my face, but I could see they were sincere. The fact that I saw their sincerity didn't help me see the logic in it. What were they so remorseful about? Wasn't Sam the dumper and I the dumped?

I shook my head, trying to think straight. I knew this was not the worst of it; I would be hurting for a long, long time. I could already predict how my future would be from now on; Dark, hopeless and void of any meaning.

I watched as Sam held Emily by the elbow and led her towards the door. A lump formed in my throat and the tears I had been fighting off threatened to form. _Just a little longer, _I convinced myself as I tried to keep them at bay. The pain in me was growing and my anger was quickly replaced by sadness. I had lost Sam. The words didn't even sound right put together in that order. I didn't want to accept them… yet. A small part of me was still hoping that this was all a bad dream; hoping that I would wake up in Sam's arms with all this misery gone and forgotten.

At the door, Sam turned to look at me. I stared at him accusingly, unable to hide my pain any longer. His eyes were soft and pleading. Why was he doing this to me? Why was he trying to kill me? I simply shook my head. I couldn't take any more of this, but I had no escape. Just as he was turning away, the first tear fell from my eye.

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I stared at the wall for a long time before throwing the now empty wine bottle at it. How could this be happening to me? How in the world did I move from being happy-go-lucky Leah to doomed-hopeless Leah? The pain in me was ripping me apart. The anger was burning me. The frustration was weighing me down. All these emotions mixed together were excruciating. I held onto the counter and gave a loud cry of pain. I stared at the plates neatly stacked beside me and pushed them with all my strength to the floor. I took a glass from the sink and simply stared at it. I gripped it so hard that it broke and cut right through my hand.

"Why, Sam. why" I cried as I sank to my knees.

Crying felt like a strange concept to me. Tears felt out of place on my face. I hadn't cried in so long but this time, I didn't have an option.

I pushed myself up and dragged my legs to the fridge. I got three bottles of wine and sank back onto the floor. I looked around me at the mess I'd created. My mom's plates lay shattered on the floor. My hand was bleeding profusely but I didn't pay attention to it. All I felt was my pain. All I thought about was all the times I had spent with Sam, how happy we both were. I could have bet everything I owned on our future. I was so sure, so secure. How did all that suddenly turn into this nightmare? I could feel the room getting smaller, suffocating me. My world was coming to an end. Not just any end; a harsh painful end.

I drowned down most of the wine and dropped the bottles next to me. I had no more strength. I didn't know how to fight anymore. Even if I did, I wouldn't fight… I couldn't fight… I didn't want to fight. I simply brought my head down to the kitchen floor and let the sobs consume me.

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"Leah… Leah" I groaned. I was angry at whoever it is that had disturbed my sleep. It had been so deep… so relaxing. I was soaring high, flying on the wings of an angel. I didn't want it to end but the hand on my shoulder was pulling me away from it. I tried to desperately hold on but I was quickly coming to.

"Leah, honey," why was everyone calling my name? "Leah can you hear me?" my mother sounded worried.

_Of course I can hear you._ I tried to reassure her, but I couldn't find my voice. Why was she worried? Nothing ever worried my mom. She was probably the bravest woman I'd ever met. She was never afraid to face life head-on. So if my mom was worried, it had to be bad, whatever it was. But what could have gone wrong.

Something was tagging for attention at the back of my mind but I couldn't put a finger on it. I felt as if I was forgetting something important. The moment I opened my eyes to find out what was happening, the bright light assaulted my eyes. I closed them immediately and groaned again.

"I think she's in pain." Seth was worried too. This couldn't be good. Seth, just like my mom rarely found anything in life to worry about. He was sort of like the optimistic soul I never got; the extreme opposite of what I was. He found something to smile about in any situation, however bad it was. _So if mom is worried and Seth is worried, then I should be preparing myself for a shock, _I thought.

When I opened my eyes this time, I was careful to do it slowly and carefully. The first thing I saw was mom's face a few inches from mine. She looked ten years older and something in her eyes told me something was terribly wrong. Seth was standing right behind her, looking both scared and pitiful. For the first time since I heard my name, I realized that whatever it was that was wrong must be on me. They were both looking at me which could only mean…

I looked around me and realized I was on the kitchen floor. There were pieces of broken china around me, three broken bottles and an almost empty one close to my hand. There was blood on the floor right next to me and a sharp pain was issuing from my right hand. My head ached dully and my entire body screamed with exhaustion. _Wow_, I thought, _was there a hurricane or something?_

I looked back at mom and Seth and the memory of what had happened crashed down on me.

"Oh no," I whispered and tears started forming in my eyes. I tried to fight them but I had no more strength. I had nothing in me to fight back. All I could do now was succumb to the pain. The sobs started rocking me again and the pain in my head increased.

"I think she's in shock." Seth mumbled softly.

"Leah, come on. Let me help you to the couch." Mom reached under my arm and helped me up. Seth was on my other side in an instant. They supported most of my weight and led me to the living room. When I was comfortable enough, I looked up at my mom.

"Sorry about the plates." I really meant it. I felt bad for ruining my mom's plates over somebody who didn't deserve it.

My mom just looked at me. Seth was the first one to speak.

"Of all the retched things to apologize for, you choose to apologize for plates? You know dad will rip you a new one for his wine and his beer, right?" he was trying to bring some humor into the tense air that surrounded us. I gave him a weak smile and turned back to my mom.

"The plates aren't important. The important thing is that you are ok. Now, do you want to tell me what happened?" she met my gaze intently. There was no getting around it. She would have to find out sooner or later.

"He left me for Emily" I stated softly, swallowing back the tears.

Mom looked like she'd just been slapped right across the face.

"What?" Seth blurted out. For the first time in my life I saw a real hint of anger in my brother's eyes. "How could he?"

My mom just hugged me tightly and whispered something that sounded like, "my poor baby."

Seth stared at us for a while before storming out the door.

"Seth where are you going?" my mom called after him.

"To murder Sam Uley," He called back. Before any of us could say a word, Seth was gone.

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	3. Chapter3:great! now i feel like an idiot

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disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the queen of Twilight.

**_this chapter is not that exciting but its important so i had to put it here. it helps me transition to the next phase of the story. please bear with me and forgive the dull nature of the chapter._**

**_I'm trying my best to update as often as possible so i hope to have the exciting parts of the story up tomorrow. it gets better... trust me._**

**_anyway, thank you all for the reviews, favs and subscriptions. they are really encouraging._**

**_LPOV_**

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"Ouch!" I flinched as mom removed the shards of glass from my hand. The pain had grown to a whole new level and the bleeding was starting again.

Mom barely noticed my reaction. She simply picked the pieces out with an intense look on her face. Every now and then she would mumble something bordering on, "that boy needs to learn some manners," or "I should have been here to teach him a thing or two."

Mom was really angry, but I didn't really blame her. She looked angrier than I felt. I silently wished she would go over to Sam's and give him a piece of her mind but that was a long shot. She would probably deal with him if he had the audacity to show his face around here again. I didn't blame her though. If I wasn't dying of pain, I would probably be seething with anger.

"I still don't see why you won't let me…" at the sound, we both turned toward the door in time to see dad hold Seth by the shoulder and lead him into the house. Dad looked composed but Seth looked grumpy. He looked like a five-year-old who'd just had his candy taken away. The extreme difference in their expressions made them an almost funny pair. Seth was adorable – of course I would never admit that to him – but the pout on his face made him even cuter. I suppressed a giggle as I turned to address my dad.

"So where did you collect him?" I asked with a weak smile. Apparently, my sense of humor was still there; impaired but present.

"On the way from Billy's; He was running along the road so I thought I should stop and ask him if everything was ok. It turns out not quite everything…" he trailed off and looked at me pointedly. I avoided his gaze and looked down at the hand my mom was now wrapping, trying to look pre-occupied.

"How long do you think it will take to heal?" I asked a little too eagerly.

"A day or two should do the trick." My mother was innocent of the situation around her. She didn't realize I was trying to avoid dad's inquiry.

When he realized he wasn't getting any response from me, dad gave me a frustrated glare and walked off to the kitchen.

"What in the name of God happened in here?" he was almost shouting.

I froze. I felt my mom tense infinitesimally beside me. Seth still looked angry about the fact that he couldn't fight Sam so dad's tone didn't as much as make him flinch. I looked up at my mom, hoping for support.

"Leah, can I talk to you for a minute?" my dad called out.

"I'm sorry," I mouthed to mom before walking off to the kitchen. I heard Seth storm out the front door with mom right at his heels.

My dad looked from the mess on the floor to my almost composed face.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled before he could say anything.

"Leah Clearwater," he shook his head sadly and bent down to pick up the half-empty bottle. "Do you want to tell me what brought about all this?"

I looked into his old wise eyes. If there was one person I'd never try to lie to, it was my dad. After all, he would see right through my lies if I tried. If he hadn't already heard the story from Seth, he would soon hear it from some other source so maybe it would be better for me to just get it over with. I took a deep steadying breath before stating my simple answer.

"Sam left me for Emily."

He didn't look shocked, surprised or even angry. In fact, his face was void of any emotion as he looked into my eyes. We just stood there staring at each other without saying a word. My breathing quickened as I awaited his answer. The seconds ticked by and I started to think he wouldn't answer me after all. Finally, he spoke softly but clearly, articulating every word.

"Leah, we are only as strong as our weakest point. Our weaknesses end up being our undoing. For that reason, we have to strive to deal with our weaknesses and make them stronger."

I didn't know what to say. I felt as though my tongue had been tied. I just stared at him stupidly and waited for him to go on. It took a lot of effort to hang onto his words with my head throbbing and my body aching.

"Sam Uley, it seems, is your weakness. Leah, people walk in and out of our lives from time to time," I frowned at this but held my tongue, "but if we all did this to ourselves every time somebody left, what sort of a world would this turn into?" I made a face at this but he went on anyway.

"You have to be strong Leah. Sam made his choice, you have to make yours. You have to choose to move on or to remain torn forever. I know you are strong. You can do it." He reached out and squeezed my shoulder gently and then walked off.

I don't know exactly how long I stood there, feeling like a complete idiot. I felt dumb for showing my weakness. I felt bad for letting my family share my pain. I felt betrayed because dad didn't seem mad at Sam. He hadn't said anything about what he did being wrong. Come to think of it, it sounded as though he didn't blame Sam at all. These thoughts were turning my sadness into anger. I could feel it seeping through my bones, burning through me. I clenched my teeth together and fought with all my might. I remembered clearly what happened the last time I let my anger take over.

"Damn you Sam. Damn you all the way to hell," I muttered as I bent down to clean up the mess.

Just when I finished cleaning up, Seth walked into the kitchen, looking a little bit calmer. He looked closer to his usual self than he did a couple of minutes ago.

"Sam is such a pussy," he stated simply. My brother was never one for a foul mouth so his statement took me by surprise. I looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. "Dad should have really let me go down to his house." Apparently, he hadn't totally forgotten about that.

The thought of Seth going up against Sam made me shudder. I don't know what I would do if he hurt my brother. On the other hand, Seth being all protective made me appreciate him more.

"Thanks Seth, I appreciate." I gave him the most sincere smile I could muster.

"You deserve it," he said, "Sam must be blind." He shook his head sadly. "if he ever shows his face around here again…" his anger was resurfacing. As much as it made him cute, I didn't like the pout on his face. I think I'd much rather see a smile in its place.

"Seth," I cut him off, "please don't fight him. He's not worth…"

"But Leah," he cut me off.

"No buts, Seth. If Sam ever hurt you I'm not sure I'd be able to stop myself from killing him. Which is not exactly a bad thing, but I'd rather not spend the rest of my life in a padded cell because of him."

Seth looked thoughtful for a while before he gave me a kind smile and nodded. "Ok, but the next time he hurts you, even you won't be able to stop me."

I walked over to him and gave him a tight hug as the tears started flowing again, not from the pain this time but from the love I felt for my brother.

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	4. Chapter 4: deal with it

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Standard disclaimers apply: I own not any of this. Stephenie Meyer is the queen of Twilight.

**_ok, so Sam and Emily told Leah that they'll be together. Despite her love for Sam, Emily hurts at the fact thet she's causing Leah pain. Let's hear a little something from her point of view._**

**_EPOV_**

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"Poor Leah," I mumbled.

"I know. She needs a grip." I looked over at Sam, just to be sure those words had really come from him. He looked serious; his expression brooding.

"What?" I asked, shocked. I couldn't believe Sam had just said that, not after the leaving Leah in the condition she was in. I didn't blame him, but that didn't mean I didn't expect him to care.

"Well, it's not that complicated, right? People break up all the time. They get hurt, get over it and move on. She just needs to look past it and live on…" he fell quiet at my expression.

"Sam, how dare you?" I spat. He knew better than anyone else that this was not just a normal break-up. He'd imprinted on me for God's sake! How else did he expect Leah to react when her boyfriend suddenly fell for her cousin? I shook my head, appalled.

"Emily," he held my gaze intensely, "she has to pull out of this one on her own. We can't do it for her. We can't control how she takes it. She has to make a conscious decision to move on." His voice had gone up a notch and his perfect control was beginning to fail.

"Easy for you to say, considering your part in all this was so easy," I said sarcastically.

"Emily, you know that that's not true. You know I care for Leah and don't want to see her get hurt…"

"Then why are you being such a jerk, Sam?" I cut in before he could finish defending himself. I could feel anger tagging at the sides of my mind, seeping past my patience just as it had done that first time.

When I'd first learnt that Sam had imprinted on me, I was furious. Not because he loved me but because he thought I'd let him walk over my cousin just like that and have a chance with me. I'd stayed angry for a while but finally, I had to give in. the amount of affection and dedication that flowed freely from him was just impossible to resist. I'd tried my best to make the situation as easy as possible for Leah to understand but it was no good. The consequences I'd been afraid of had materialized right before my eyes. Leah was broken, Sam and I were bound by some stupid legend and there was nothing anybody could do about it. Sam, better than anyone else knew how hard the situation was and he was not being very helpful.

I raised my eyes to look at Sam. He looked terrible but I knew it would get worse. His hands trembled and his chest heaved. His eyes lingered on my face for a while before he turned his back to me and brought his hands to his face.

"Sam, it's not fair," I whispered, "she's my cousin and…"

"And she needs to move on." He cut me off.

We'd had this conversation for ten minutes. My anger was threatening to bubble over but I was trying my best to keep it bottled up. I didn't want to see Leah in pain. It killed me to see her in her current condition but the pain of knowing I was causing her pain was unbearable. Sam didn't want me to suffer along with her. Not that he was inconsiderate of her pain; he just thought it would be easier on us all if we tried to look past the pain.

My main anger was directed at him for falling for me. I knew there was nothing he could do against force of the legends but that wasn't enough to ease my pain. I loved Sam, but I hated the fact that he was my cousin's ex-boyfriend. I didn't want to be a man-stealer but that was exactly what Leah thought of me now.

"How easy would it be for you to move on if you were in her shoes?" I sneered.

Sam turned back to me, his eyes dilated.

"It's not like my shoes are any more comfortable than hers," he quipped.

"Then why didn't you fight it, goddamit!" I knew he couldn't even if he wanted to but my frustration was getting the best of me.

"Emily, I can't, you know I can't!" he was frustrated too, but I wasn't being of much help.

"Well, that's convenient," I met his gaze squarely.

"And exactly what is that supposed to mean?" he growled.

"I think you enjoy seeing Leah in pain. If it hurts you so much, then why don't you tell her exactly what is going on?"

"The elders…"

"I know… I know… the elders have your tongue glued to the top of your mouth while your ex-girlfriend drinks herself to insanity."

"Emily, you're not being fair!"

Something at the back of my mind was telling me to shut up. I knew this was hurting Sam and taking out my anger on him didn't make the situation any easier, but I was too far gone to stop myself.

"And you think you're being fair? Maybe when Leah is dead and you don't have to face her ever again you'll feel better. Maybe then, the guilt will leave you and you won't have to worry about…"

I didn't get to finish my statement. A shallow rumbling shook the foundation of the house. Sam's hands formed into tight fists and his jaw clenched tautly. The tremors that shook him got worse by the second. I saw horror written all over his face and his eyes looked like those of a person facing a death penalty. I felt the fear in me grow as I watched him fight for control. His hands moved to the sides of his head and before I knew what was happening, there was a deep growl and excruciating pain ran down from my face to my fingertips.

A loud painful howl mixed with my cry of agony as I watched the black wolf run out of the house. I lay on the floor, watching the pool of blood spread beneath me. Pain shot through my veins with the intensity of live coals. My cries rang in the air and sounded foreign to my own ears. I could feel thin perspiration forming on my forehead as I struggled to take one agonizing breath at a time.

I looked around me at the room that was now spinning. My brain was trying to fight the pain, but there was no hope for me. I felt the agony mixed with pity for Sam and Leah. I didn't want to do this to them but I couldn't hold on any longer. I gave one last scream and as my vision blurred, I saw Sam's human form walking slowly towards me.

"Sam," I whispered before the darkness engulfed me.

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	5. Chapter 5: my own personal hell

_**Standard disclaimers apply: I own not any of this. Stephenie Meyer is the queen of Twilight.**_

**_OMG!! you are all amazing. your reviews have really helped me to push the story this far. please keep them coming._**

**_It's now 3.00am. i have school tomorrow but i promised y'all i'd update tonight. i'm never one to break promises so here i am, sacrificing some good night rest. lol... after reviewing this chapter multiple times, i decided it was as good as it could be. i had to make it the best because it's a very important one.._**

**_i promised it would get better and i definitely hope this one was worth your patience._**

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**_ok, time for me to shut up and let you read._**

**_SPOV_**

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I simply stood there and stared at Emily's lifeless form. Her breathing was very soft and the pool of blood around her was spreading. Her skin seemed to be a shade paler and from what I could hear, her heart rate was getting weak. I wanted to reach out to her and hold her to myself but I couldn't make my feet move. My brain went on overdrive and then froze as I tried to come to terms with what I'd just done. How could I allow myself to lose control like that? How could I hurt Emily, after all that she meant to me? I couldn't believe it… I didn't want to believe it. I could feel the tears running down my face but I didn't bother to wipe them away. I deserved every ounce of pain that was slicing through me. I deserved the guilt and the shame and even the self-hate. I could live with all these and not complain if only I could get an assurance that Emily would be ok.

"Sam," that simple whisper before she passed out had been my undoing. I felt pain and bitterness ripping through my heart with growing intensity as I replayed the simple whisper in my head over and over again. I could literally feel my heart ripping. The wolf within me hung his head in shame as the human in me got to deal with all the emotions that came along. I'd never seen anyone attacked by a werewolf before so I had no point of reference. I hoped against all odds that she would live but that was all I could hope for. I didn't know how extensive her scars would be but from the look of it, they weren't looking too good.

How on earth did this happen. How did I end up here, staring at the most important person in my life, as life slowly seeped out of her? My breath came in gasps and my chest felt like lead. I tried to reconcile all the feelings my heart was trying to contain but none of them was bearable enough. I felt as though I'd just ignited my own version of hell on earth… my own personal hell.

"For God's sake Sam, help her," my brain yelled commands at me but my body wouldn't move. I willed myself to reach out to her but I felt frozen in place. Fear had gripped me like a vice and shut down all my senses. The only thing I felt was agony, mixed with fear, regret and hate. I didn't want to lose Emily; not so soon after I'd met her. I'd barely had a chance to love her, to appreciate her, to show her exactly how much she meant to me. How was this even possible? Didn't nature have some sort of fairness rules of its own? Or did those rules even apply to me? It sure felt like they didn't. It seemed like every day of my life had some sort of doomed pain to introduce me to. Fate seemed even crueler to me today than any other day as I stood there watching Emily slip away. I cursed, yet again, the damned myths that had made me what I was and led me into Emily's life.

How would I get through this? How could I go through this? I wished there was something I could do; I wished I could turn back time and undo all the hurt I'd caused my loved ones. I wished… wished… wished, but that was all I could do, and it probably hurt worse than giving up. If I lost her, I wouldn't be able to live with myself; not with the guilt of hurting Leah and that of killing her cousin. I had to do something. Emily had to live.

The sound of footsteps running through the door pulled me out of my trance. I wheeled around, ready to face the newcomers, but relaxed the minute I recognized them.

"Sam, what the hell have you done?" Paul was obviously the most thoughtless of us all. He had absolutely no filter between what came through his mind and what poured out of his mouth.

I glared at him, daring to say one more thing. Something about my expression stopped him in his tracks. He glanced at Emily for a brief second and I watched as realization hit him.

"I'm so sorry, man," he said, "I didn't… I didn't realize…" he trailed off. For the first time in my life, I witnessed a speechless Paul. That would have been something worth experiencing in a different situation but right now, it mattered not in the least.

Jared stepped up to me and grabbed my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, man," he echoed Paul's words. "I know you're shocked but we have to help her. We can't just sit here and watch her…" he fought hard not to say 'die' though we all knew that's what he meant.

I turned my attention back to Emily and fell to my knees. With all the numbness gone with the trance, the pain was almost physical. I could feel my head spinning in slow circles and everything seemed to be fading from focus. I shook my head, refusing to lose it again. I leaned forward until I was inches from Emily's face before whispering hoarsely.

"Emily, I'm so sorry. I should have been more careful… more reasonable. You can't leave me now. You can't… I need you here with me. I won't let you just slip away from me. Emily, please listen to me. Please tell me you'll fight your way through…" my head slumped forward as I leaned my forehead on her chest.

I felt Jared's hand on my shoulder. He was doing much better than I was so I guess his brain was functioning better too.

"We need to get her to the hospital." He stated simply. He didn't say anymore. He just waited for my response.

I didn't say a word. I simply nodded as I lifted Emily's body off the floor and headed for the door. Paul and Jared followed closely, ready to help if my strength failed me.

Jared drove while I rode in the back, talking to Emily, trying to convince her to fight for us… for our love… for her family… but most of all, for Leah. Leah needed her now more than ever. She couldn't bail out on her now.

I knew she couldn't hear me, but I talked anyway. Talking kept me from thinking and that helped me to focus on anything but the pain. Paul and Jared didn't say a word to me or to each other. I could only guess they were too shocked to speak. I didn't blame them. I wouldn't have had anything to say had I been in their shoes… but I wasn't, and once again, I found myself wishing; wishing I could trade places with somebody… anybody. I wished I could trade my life for Emily's. I could give anything for her to live.

Jared drove up to right outside the emergency doors. The car had barely come to a stop when I opened the door and ran through the double doors with Emily in my arms.

Nurses surrounded me in an instant and before I could gather my thoughts, Emily was on a stretcher being wheeled away. A kind-faced nurse led me to the reception desk to fill in some paperwork.

"She looks pretty awful. What happened to her?"

I stared at her like she'd just spoken some foreign language. I didn't know what to tell her. I hadn't had a chance to make up any stories so I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"She was attacked by a bear during a hiking trip." My voice sounded foreign to me. It was grave and clearly reflected what I felt inside. Paul and Jared exchanged a glance beside me. I could tell they were impressed by my quick story but that did nothing to cheer me up.

"Oh dear, that is just horrible. I'm so sorry…" the nurse looked to the direction they'd wheeled Emily and then back to my face. "Is she your fi…" she didn't know what to ask so she broke off mid-sentence.

"Yes, my fiancé" I nodded stiffly.

My anxiety was growing and my fear was not receding.

"I don't mean to be pushy but… can I go in?" I pointed in the general direction of the room they'd taken her to.

"I'm sorry sir but they'll have to do a couple of tests and treatments first before I can let you go in."

I was about to argue when a deep sad voice called behind me. "Sam"

I wheeled around and came face to face with three elders; Billy Black, Harry Clearwater and old Quil Ateara.

They all wore the same grave expression but none of them looked condemning as I would have expected them to be. Something about their wise eyes and knowing looks made me relax minutely.

Before I could say a word, Billy led me a short way away from the nurse before asking in a grave voice. "What happened?" The others joined us as I retold the events of what had occurred with shame written all over my face. When I was done, I looked up and waited for the onslaught… but it never came. I half-expected Harry to be furious about his niece's misfortune so shortly after his own daughter's heartbreak, but he simply looked calm and composed.

"Son," he said, "every man makes a mistake in his journey of life, but the worst thing would be if he didn't learn a thing from those mistakes."

I stared at him with my mouth slightly open. His words had shocked me senseless; they'd been the complete opposite of what I was expecting. The other elders' words simply sounded like a distant buzz as the shock was once again replaced by pain and guilt.

How could Harry be so calm towards me while daughter was broken and his niece was dying in an emergency room, bearing scars from an animal; not just any animal but this very animal which stood before him?

I was still trying to get my thoughts to make some sense when the nurse came over to me.

"You can go in now," She stated simply. I searched her face, trying to derive any clues of how Emily was, but her face bore no emotion.

I forced my legs forward as I followed her down a long corridor to a room on the right. One look at Emily made my heart drop and froze my blood right in my veins.

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	6. Chapter 6: please fight for us

**_disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer remains the queen of twilight._**

**_here we go. thank you all for your reviews. they are amazing!!! please keep them coming._**

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I took a shaky step to Emily's bedside, fearing what would come out of all this. She looked terrible. Needles and tubes seemed to be stuck to whatever little was visible of her body. The room reeked strongly of medicine and there was a tense feeling in the atmosphere. The worst of all were the three scars running down her face to her hands. I felt guilt crushing me to pulp. I dropped to the seat right beside her and took her hand in mine. It was so lifeless… sort of like holding a dead fish. I raised my hand to her face and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. I just gazed at her, unsure of what to do, or even what to think. The nurse gave me a sad, sympathetic look and walked out of the room. I stared at the door long after she was gone, feeling as though the whole world was bailing out on me.

I slowly turned my face back to Emily with the grief quickly creeping up on me. I bent my face to her and kissed her forehead, lingering for a second longer, just to have her scent wash through me. When I pulled back, I shut my eyes tightly, fighting against the images in my head. What would I do if she didn't make it? She had to make it. She couldn't bail out on me now… not now.

I just sat there with her hand in mine. I didn't know anything anymore. I felt like a character in a play that'd just had their script taken away. I didn't have a clue on what to do anymore. My life seemed void and meaningless.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

I didn't know what else to say. All this was my fault. If I hadn't dragged Emily into my life, then Leah wouldn't be hurt and Emily would be somewhere out there in the world, safe and happy. A tight knot formed in my throat and I had to swallow repeatedly to fight the tears that were threatening to overflow. _Be a man, Sam_, I thought to myself. But it was hard being a man while the most important person was lying in front of me, looking like she just had an encounter with the devil.

My attention was shifted to the door when it opened briefly and then closed and I heard the sound of feet shuffling towards me. I turned my head to see a middle-aged doctor walking towards me. I stood and hurried to meet him.

"Hey, I'm Doctor Phillip. I'll be posted here temporarily from Sea…"

"Doctor, is she going to make it?" I didn't mean to cut him off but the question slipped out before I could stop myself.

He looked at me, his face kind and sure. He'd taken no offense for the rude interruption.

"We are trying all we can. It's not easy to tell right now. She's lost a lot of blood and will probably need a transfusion."

I looked at him hopelessly. He was my only hope. Part of me was thankful for the fact that the leech doctor and his family had left town. I wasn't sure I'd have been able to stand him treating Emily. After all, it was because of them that I had turned into what I was. This made me feel a wave of deep gratitude for the man in front of me.

"How soon can that be done?" I was almost whispering now.

"We'll do that immediately and then after that, we can tell how stable she's going to get."

I turned my face back to Emily and then back to the doctor, who was looking at me sympathetically.

"I'm very sorry, Son," he said as he walked over to her and started doing his 'doctor' stuff. I didn't know what he was doing and I didn't even make an effort to understand; I just hope he'd be able to save her. I just sat there, watching her warily, just willing her to fight. I hoped the love I felt for her would help her to push through.

Half an hour later, I was ushered out of the room for them to go through with the transfusion. Billy, Quil, Harry, Paul and Jared sat quietly in the waiting room. Nobody said a word. They'd eventually run out of comforting words to give me and had opted for the silence.

I, unlike the rest, wasn't calm enough to just sit around and wait. I paced the length of the room multiple times without even noticing anything around me. My blood felt frozen in my veins. I was still trying to reconcile myself to the thought that it was my fault that Emily was… I didn't want to say dying but I felt like that was what was happening.

Twenty minutes later, the doctor walked out. It was all I could do not to run to him.

"How is she?" I asked eagerly.

"You can go in to see her now."

I didn't miss the fact that he'd avoided my question. With a pounding heart, I walked into the room, followed closely followed by everybody else. I heard Paul curse under his breath when he saw Emily's condition but otherwise, he said nothing of it.

Conversation was scanty. Nobody seemed to know what to say. After a couple of minutes, the elders made an excuse to leave. When they were out the door, Jared put his hand on my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, man. I know this is hard for you, but no matter what happens, we'll be here for you."

So everybody thought she wouldn't pull through. They just didn't want to say it out loud, but the fear was there. It was so thick you could almost feel it in the air.

"Thank you, man." I nodded at him. It felt like we'd been here for days. I couldn't believe that just a couple of days ago, I'd watched Leah almost crumble to pieces. What would she do if she ever found out about what had really happened? I shuddered at the idea. She'd probably rip my head off with her bare hands out of sheer anger. I knew that even if she hated Emily for what had happened, she still had a soft spot for her… still loved her; after all, that's family.

"Sam"

I looked at Emily's face, shocked and relieved. If I hadn't actually seen her lips move, I'd have denied that she'd said anything at all. The relief was so great I thought I would collapse from the weight of it. I took Emily's hand once again and just stared at her.

"Great Emily, you're up," Jared broke the silence that had suddenly fallen in the room.

"How do you feel?" I'd finally broken out of my trance.

"Tired," she whispered.

"Well, that's probably an effect of all the drugs they've been pumping into you.

Paul and Jared left to inform the elders that Emily was up.

When they were out the door, I let a tear fall down my face. Emily lifted her free hand and cupped my cheek.

"I'm sorry, Emily. I should've been more careful. I shouldn't…"

She brought her fingers to my lips to shut me up.

"It wasn't you fault," she whispered, "I pushed you too far. I should have known better."

She gave me a weak smile. I couldn't help but give an answering smile of my own.

"Emily, please promise me that you'll make it. Please fight through… for us…"

She met my gaze sadly. Tears filled her eyes and fell over the side of her face.

"I don't know, Sam. I don't think I have anything left in me to fight."

"Please don't say that…" I sobbed.

"Sam, please listen to me." She pleaded.

She waited until I'd met her gaze. She looked like she was in pain. I knew she had to be, what with three giant scars marring one side of her face?

"I don't think I have much time left…"

I tried to say something but she shook her head at me. I fell silent and sobbed shamelessly as she went on.

"Please take care of Leah, Sam. I'm begging you…" she paused to breathe. Her breath was short and I could tell it hurt her to even speak.

"Emily, maybe you should rest first. We can talk about this later."

Again she shook her head and went on in a hoarse whisper.

"You mean everything to her, Sam. Please promise me that you'll be there for her. I want you to be happy and I want her to be happy. Sam you have to try…" pause "the myths don't bind you to me even in death…"

"Emily, please," I wasn't sure how much more I could take.

"No, Sam. Please promise me…"

I decided that maybe if I made my promise, she'd stop talking and conserve her strength.

"I promise," I whispered, "but that doesn't mean you are dying on me…"

"I love you, Sam. Pass my love to Leah… and Seth… Harry… and Sue; tell them I love them." There were tears flowing freely from her eyes now.

"Please don't say goodbye," I pleaded, my own tears flowing continuously.

"I love you," she whispered again and closed her eyes.

"No" I cried out and dropped to my knees. I buried my face in her chest and begged her to stay with me. The door opened and several people walked in at once. There was a buzz of activity and I was only minutely aware of Jared as he led me out of the room.

In the waiting room once again, I couldn't sit still. I paced time and again, hoping against all odds that she would make it. Jared just stared at me warily. I didn't bother to ask where everybody else was; I didn't care.

After what felt like ages, Doctor Phillip walked towards me.

"Doctor, how is she?" I whispered.

He looked straight at me and I braced myself for the words that would either make or break me.

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	7. Chapter7:weather gods are ruining my day

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SPOV

_ok... i'm really sorry for taking so long to update. I'm taking my tests and it's getting kinda hard to get everything done. The other reason is that i have another unfinished fanfic that I'm trying to get done with too. it's called 'Break my heart once shame on you beak it twice?' check it out and tell me what you think._

_i want to thank you all for all your support, patience, reviews, favs, subscriptions... they go a long way. keep them coming; they give me the heart to update faster._

_**ok, now that we have that out of the way, here's the disclaimer: i wish i could claim ownership of this wonderful world of twilight... but i can't. this is because Stephenie Meyer holds the throne. kudos Steph! way to go!!**_

_**ok, now we can read...**_

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"I'm sorry Sam, we tried everything we could. Her heart had already stopped…"

I was trying to keep up with the rest of his words but my world was suddenly turning into darkness. Jared had his arm around my shoulders, supporting most of my weight.

"… We tried all we could but her heart is still weak, but it's working hard to keep her alive…"

I blinked rapidly and stared at the doctor, not exactly wanting to hope but hoping nevertheless.

"Did you say she's still alive?" I couldn't raise my voice to more than just a whisper.

"Yes she is, but…"

I didn't let him finish. The relief in me was too much to contain. My heart beat so fast I thought it would explode; this time not from anger but from joy. Emily was alive; she was still fighting for us.

"Thank you! Thank you so much…" this was followed by a string of words which probably made no sense but it didn't matter to me. Emily was alive. I just hoped he knew exactly how thankful I was for that.

**LPOV**

I flipped lazily through the channels, not looking for anything in particular. My mood was lower than normal (I hadn't even realized that was possible considering my state of being over the last couple of days) and I wondered if that was the result of the weather. It was unusually dull outside, even for a place in the Olympic peninsula. The clouds were dark and heavy, hanging low in the sky. They gave the morning some kind of menacing feeling. Suddenly, there was loud thunder and a bright strike of lightning which lit the entire sky. This took by surprise so much that I started and fell off the couch.

"Stupid fucking moron," I grumbled moodily at nobody in particular and fought the temptation to hurl the remote at the TV and watch it crush to pieces. That would be an awesome way to put some life into this pitiful example of existence I called my life.

_Yeah, dad would get quite a thrill from a broken TV screen and a smashed remote,_ I thought moodily.

"Hey Lee, what plans do you have for today?"

_Oh no,_ I thought. Why in the world did Seth have to be so hyper in the morning? He hopped over, got onto the couch next to me and grinned stupidly.

"Uprooting all your shitty little teeth if you don't lose that grin," I frowned at him.

He looked at me and shrugged.

"Ok, I was just trying to brighten your day a little." He hopped off and dashed to the kitchen before I could throw something at him. I could hear him chatting away happily with my mom as she prepared breakfast. Sometimes I really wished I could trade places with him. He was always the happy-go-lucky kid, always having something to smile about.

_Oh, well. At least there's somebody whose life hasn't turned into a fuck-hole._ My sour thoughts were doing nothing to brighten my mood.

I stared blankly at the corny comedy now showing and allowed myself to drift. My mind didn't need too much persuasion to run off to my lost happiness; Sam Uley. The biggest fuck ass I'd seen in a long, long time. I thought of all the time we'd spent together; the softness in his eyes when he looked at me, the warmth of his lips against mine, the intensity of his desire as we kissed, the silent groans which punctuated our kisses, the fire in me whenever he touched me…

I was suddenly pulled out of my trance by the phone. It rang so loud that I almost fell of the couch again. I hadn't realized my eyes had closed on their own accord.

"Shit!" I muttered as I gained my balance and got myself back to the present. I turned my head toward the kitchen, debating on whether to get the phone.

Mom answered it before I even made a decision to answer. I could hear her speaking softly but I couldn't catch the words. She seemed to be keeping her voice low on purpose. She spoke fast for a while and then fell silent. When she gave a sudden gasp and stared at me with wide eyes, I slowly walked toward her. She just stood there, gaping at me, as if she was seeing me for the first time today.

"Mom, what is wrong?" I was sincerely concerned and a hint of fear was starting to tag at me. It took a lot to get such a reaction from my mother so I quickly braced my mind for the worst.

She simply shook her head slowly tears forming in her eyes. The line was already dead; I could hear the beep from where I was, but she still held the phone to her ear.

"Mom," I made an uncertain step toward her.

I was dying to know what was wrong but part of me warned me that whatever it was, it couldn't be pleasant. I put my hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. Pain was deeply etched in the lines beneath her eyes and all of a sudden, she looked much older.

I took the receiver from her hand and replaced it before turning back to her. Seth was next to me in an instant.

"Mom, what's up?" he asked.

I had to strain my ears to hear her reply.

"Emily…" she whispered.

Something cut across my heart into my stomach at that moment. A million scenarios of what could've happened to my man-stealing bitch of a cousin crossed my mind. I felt anger, hate and a hint of worry all merged into one sickening feeling.

"What, did Sam break her virginity? Poor thing," I sneered, not even trying to hide my sarcasm.

"Leah," Seth scolded but I paid him no mind.

Mom seemed to have not heard me, or maybe she was just ignoring me.

"Attacked by a bear…"

"What!" my brother and I said together.

I felt as if somebody had dealt me a heavy blow to my stomach. A bear… But how...How in the world did Emily get attacked by a bear? I couldn't breathe. All my loath for Emily faded for a moment as a mental picture of her against a bear formed in my mind. I shook my head, trying to clear it away, but it seemed to be branded by fire in my brain. I couldn't take it anymore. If Emily was dead… after everything that I'd said to her.

At that moment, I didn't care what the hell my cousin had done to me. All that ran through me was that she was probably dead and the final words I'd said to her were somewhere at the borders of inhumanity. At that moment, I was ready to admit I was a pitiful sack of shit and hated myself for every bitchy word that had ever escaped my lips directed at her. My heart seemed to be swelling in my chest. When I could take the pain no more, I gave a loud, deafening scream and sank to my knees.

I sat there, sobbing softly, unable to think, unable to move. I could feel Seth's confusion. He didn't know who to address first; his mangled, broken shit-hole of a sister or his shocked mom who had probably grown roots and stuck herself to the spot. Finally, he made his decision. I heard him speak softly but clearly and was utterly grateful for the first question that escaped his lips.

"How is she?"

"She's at the hospital. They're trying everything they can for her." Mom spoke as though from a different body. She was in a daze and her eyes seemed to see nothing in front of her.

The relief I felt almost crushed me. She wasn't dead. Emily wasn't dead. The motherfucking bitch wasn't dead.

_Great! Now you're back with you smart mouth_. I thought sourly, but that didn't stop me. Now that I knew Emily was still alive, the little innocence that I'd placed upon her evaporated like a mist. At this moment, she got back to being as guilty as the last time she walked out of my house.

"I have to go see her."

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	8. Chapter 8: idiotic promise

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**_a whole lot of thanks for your reviews, favs and subscriptions... they go a long way. they are actually the reason I'm posting two chapters today with a test at the end this week. i love you all so much..._**

**_ok, i have a quiz in the morning so i can't stay up all night but i had to put this up before i went to bed._**

**_standard disclaimers apply._**

**_LPOV_**

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I got out of the car before it came to a complete stop and ran straight for the double doors. Seth was right behind me; I could literally feel his hot breath on my neck. Under different circumstances, I'd have pushed him off or teased him about bad breath but now wasn't the time. I was a bitch, I'd heard that a million times before, but no matter how true that was, I could change even if it meant for a day.

If Emily was going to do something stupid like dying away, I had to make my ways right before the moment came. I didn't want my cousin tossing and turning in her grave hurling curse words at me. I would forgive her, she would forgive me and then… no matter how hard I wanted to, I didn't want to think the phrase 'she could die.' Regardless of her man stealing expertise, she was my cousin; we were family. I wanted her happy. If the prick named Sam Uley was her only hope of being happy then let be it. My broken heart could suck a nut for all I cared right now.

Sam, Jared, Paul and three elders stood close together in the waiting room. At the sound of our approach, all eyes turned to us. Paul looked confused, Jared looked composed but worried, the elders looked calm but beneath their poker faces, I saw worry, maybe fear. I saved the final eye contact for Sam, because it would rip my heart a new. When our eyes met, I felt a cold chill run down my spine. He looked… dead. It was as if an empty shell of him was staring at me, without the actual Sam in it.

My pain, anger, remorse and hatred were briefly replaced by pity. I wanted to run to him, hold him and tell him everything would be ok. However, the side of me that still had a hint of sense left told me to save the last shred of dignity I had left.

"How is she?" I asked nobody in particular.

"She's alive," it was old Quil who answered and I felt as though there was more meaning to his statement than what I could read from its face value.

"Can I see her?" I wasn't too sure this is what I wanted to do, but I knew I had to. For the first time in my life, I was pushing the angry, hormonal bitch out of the way and trying to feel everyone else's pain.

Sam nodded at me and started walking off in what I assumed was Leah's room direction. I followed close behind him with Seth and my mom.

A short way down the hall, Sam stood in front of a door and took a deep breath. I saw him close his eyes briefly as though in silent prayer before turning the knob.

_Ha! Even dick-heads know how and when to pray_. Apparently, bitchy Leah was still in there somewhere and she wasn't ready to shut up. However, she didn't have to run her smug mouth for too long because the minute the door swung open, I froze on the spot.

Emily looked weak and pale. She had tubes stuck all about her. Her hair was disheveled, her eyes heavy-lidded with black circles under them. Her general appearance was mortifying, but that was not what rooted me to the ground and made my breath catch.

"Emily," I whispered.

"Leah, you came," she smiled weakly and it seemed that even this little movement caused her great pain.

My eyes were still on the three angry-red scars running down her face to her arms. Her face was… indescribable. The right side of her mouth was pulled down into a permanent grimace. She looked extremely different. Had I not known my cousin so well, I wouldn't recognize her in this state.

A sharp pain stabbed into my heart and I turned to look at Sam. Deep down in my heart, I wished I could blame this on him. I wanted to take this out on him… slit his throat open… rip his heart out… anything to cause him as much pain as Emily was going through.

The more rational side of me reminded me that it wasn't his fault. Emily had been attacked by a bear, but that was the hardest part to comprehend. Since when did my cousin start going on hiking trips, much less with a less- than- two- weeks boyfriend cum fiancé? On top of all that, it wasn't even bear season. I shook my head to clear it a little, all the while glaring at Sam.

My mom looked at me sadly and led me forward by the elbow. I stood by Emily's bed, not sure of what to say. What did one say in such a situation? I felt as though my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth. My knees felt wobbly and my body felt weak. My head was threatening to explode at the rate my brain was working, and then it hit me…

I sank to my knees and buried my face in Emily's chest. The sobs rocked me violently, but the pain inside seemed to be growing. I thought the greatest pain was that of my heart breaking when Sam left me but now, more pain was added to that. How could I live with this kind of agony in me? I couldn't live with it, yet I couldn't rid myself of it. I willed for death to accept me but even death didn't love me enough to lead me to peace. _Man, I really am fucked up_, I thought.

Emily lifted a weak hand and patted my back. She didn't say anything; she just let me cry. When I was done, I looked into her eyes and saw the whole amount of pain reflected there.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It's ok." My throat was raw and my voice was hoarse. "None of that matters now."

She briefly glanced at the others in the room and they quickly got her message, politely excusing themselves. When they got to the door, Emily called to them.

"Sam… Seth…Sue… I love you."

My mom was the first one to walk back, give Emily a kiss on the forehead, mumble an 'I love you too' and walk out.

Seth followed mom. He came to Emily, kissed her forehead, gave her one of his best smiles and also left.

"Emily, please don't…" Sam was still standing at the door.

"Sam, not now please…" Her eyes were begging, as though willing him to understand, but I had no idea what was going on.

When Sam had left and the door closed softly behind him, Emily turned her face back to me.

"Leah…"

"Please tell me you won't try to apologize," I really didn't want her to remind me of what she'd done. All I cared about right now was that she was ok.

"Leah, listen to me." It wasn't a request, but then again, it didn't strike me as rude. It was just a firm statement that I felt compelled to follow. I instantly fell silent and waited for the onslaught.

"You're my favorite cousin and I love you with all my heart. I just need you to understand that it was never my intention to hurt you. I wish I could put this in a way that makes more sense but I'm doing the best I can. Sam loves you," _here we go_. Of all the shitty things I was willing to subject myself to, this was not one of them.

"Emily…"

"Let me finish, Leah." Again, I fell silent. She was struggling even to speak and I just wished she'd shut up and conserve her energy. She could use it for something more important than apologizing over spilled milk, something important like maybe staying alive. But I didn't dare to mention this. I simply bit down on the words and let her go on.

"He never intended to leave you but he had no choice. Leah, I'm sure that someday, he'll explain this better than I ever will. Actually, could you go fetch Sam for me?"

I looked at her like she had lost her mind but she didn't seem to care. She simply held my gaze and waited for me to say something... I didn't.

I got off the floor slowly and went to fetch Sam.

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Sam looked at Emily for a moment and then shifted his gaze to me, as if hoping for me to explain. I simply shrugged and looked back at Emily.

"Sam… Leah, promise me you'll take care of each other."

What? I couldn't believe this. She was giving up already, without a second thought of what she was leaving behind. How could she? She was never as strong as me, but she was never one to give up this easily.

I felt a lump form in my throat, threatening to choke the breath out of me. Emily was indirectly saying goodbye and the final thing she wanted to do was wipe the tears she'd caused me. She couldn't give up now… she had to fight.

Sam started to say something but Emily cut him off.

"Promise me, Sam." This time, it was an order.

"I promise," whispered Sam, defeated. He gave me a wary glance, begging me to do something.

"Leah?" she turned to me.

I simply stared at her. Why was she doing this? Why was the world being so cruel?

"Fight… please…" I whispered, feeling helpless.

"Promise me," She repeated, as if she hadn't heard my plea.

"Fight, goddamit!" I couldn't take it anymore.

"Promise me, Leah."

She was impossible. There was nothing I could do or say to keep her fighting. She'd already welcomed death. To her, everything was already set, she was just awaiting her final breath. I gave Sam a defeated look and then turned back to Emily.

"I promise." I had to force the words out because deep down inside, I still hated Sam for what he'd done. How was it now that I was making a promise to take care of him?

"Good," Emily whispered as she closed her eyes.

"Emily," We both called out to her at the same time.

"I love you." She whispered with her eyes still closed and the beeping monitor gave a single loud beep.

I felt myself scream and fall and a couple of people rushed into the room as I hit the floor and welcomed the darkness.

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**_please take a minute to tell me what you think... review!!!_**


	9. Chapter 9: We have to be strong

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**_ok... i know i promised some of you I'd update earlier but i didn't. i truly apologize for the failure. this chapter wasn't easy at all but at the end of it all, i think i like it. i wish i could cut Leah and Sam some slack and ease some of their pain but i can't. I just had to give them my all... it's only fair for the future of the story._**

**_anyway, as usual, you reviews have been great! they're the reason i keep doing what I'm doing so please keep them coming._**

**_finally, before we go on to the story, here's the disclaimer: i really wish i could claim ownership to the twilight world... but i can't. Stephenie Meyer still holds the throne. Way to go Steph!!_**

**_Ok, i'm going to shut up now and let you read..._**

**SPOV**

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"I promise," I whispered, defeated.

"Leah?" she turned her eyes from me.

Leah simply stared at her as if she was trying to understand something. She creased her brow and looked intently at Emily.

"Fight… please…." She whispered, sounding helpless.

"Promise me." Emily repeated, as though she hadn't heard Leah's plea.

"Fight, goddamit," Leah was getting desperate. She wasn't ready to give up.

"Promise me, Leah." This time, it was an order.

"I promise." She whispered. She gave me a look of both defeat and defilement, as though promising to take care of me was asking too much of her. I couldn't blame her; after all I was the one who'd walked out on her.

"Good." Emily whispered as she closed her eyes.

"Emily." We both called out to her.

"I love you." She whispered with her eyes closed and the beeping monitor gave a single loud beep.

I stood frozen for a moment before Leah's deafening scream pulled me back to reality. Her voice was so full of agony that I could almost feel my heart rip. I watched her fall to the floor as the door opened and everyone walked in at once.

Sue picked up the scream from where her daughter had left off and sank to her knees. Leah was now sobbing on the floor. Seth just stood there, looking from his mom to his sister, a look of pain, concern and confusion on his face. I patted his shoulder, nodded and went to help Leah up. Seth gave me a weak smile and went to help sue.

Paul and Jared stood on either side of me, waiting for me to lose control. I nodded to them to let them know I was fine and led Leah toward the door. The elders were not in the waiting room. I assumed they'd gone back to check on Jake and Embry. Word had it that the two had the flu, but I knew too well what was wrong with them; they would soon be joining the pack. I felt a twinge of pain and pity for the fate they were bound to experience. I silently vowed I wouldn't let any of them end up like me.

I led Leah to the farthest corner before letting my pain take over. I couldn't control the sobs that were building in my chest and the only thing that was holding me to the present at the moment was the frail girl in my arms. Leah was strong; the strongest girl I'd seen in all my twenty-plus years. Seeing her in this state told me a lot about what she must have been feeling. She'd never been one to show her emotion but this was more than she could bear.

A wave of guilt and pain tore at me at the thought of what I'd put her through. If she ever found out the truth, could she find it in her heart to forgive me? I shuddered at the thought and pushed it out of my mind.

At that moment, she pulled her face from my shoulder and looked up at me. I saw a hint of loath pass through her eyes but it was quickly replaced by grief.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. She simply stared uncomprehendingly and I started to think that maybe she was in shock.

Her confusion was slowly turning into a glare and I saw anger and silent accusation mixed with her pain. I wished I could just hold her in my arms forever and never let her go. Emily's death was a huge blow but I couldn't even bear the thought of losing anybody else, much less Leah.

I'd started to think that she'd probably stand there all day, shooting daggers from her eyes, when her lips parted slightly.

"Sam," she whispered and broke into fresh sobs and tears. That single plea, merged with the intensity of her pain brought my already wounded heart to pieces. I reached behind her neck and pulled her to my chest. She didn't resist or complain. She simply leaned in, her tears soaking the front of my shirt.

The pain was unbearable. I wondered if I could just give up too, but I knew I couldn't. Leah, standing right there with me, held me on to life. I had to be strong for her… I had to help her through the pain; not simply because I'd promised to take care of her, but because I loved her. Despite everything, deep down in my heart, I still loved her.

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**LPOV**

Two strong arms pulled me off the floor and held me tightly. I wanted to scream… to cry out… to rip my heart out and give it to Emily. I wanted to bring her back. How could she be gone? How could she just leave me like this? How could she just walk out on me in the middle of my pain? How could she… how could she…?

The tears rolling down my face onto his shirt could not and would not be stopped. They just flowed like water from a leaky tap. I felt hopeless… helpless… lifeless… somehow everything just seemed… less. Despite everything that had happened between us, I still loved her; she'd been my favorite cousin for so long. We'd practically grown up together. I had been the stronger one but she'd been the more rational one. She'd been there to put some sense into me whenever I needed it and I had been there to give her strength when she needed it. We were practically joined at the hip. The thought of a world without her was unfathomable.

I slowly allowed myself to be led out of the room and into the waiting room. I saw nothing of my surrounding. I didn't see the room or the people. I simply saw all the good time Emily and I had had together. I was faintly aware of my mom screaming nearby but her voice was drowned out by the searing agony in me.

I had no control over my mind or my body. I just moved like a zombie, not caring what happened to me anymore. I had no will to live but I knew way too well even death wouldn't take me away from this pain. My broken heart was now in shreds. Nothing tangible was left of it; it was just a mass of pain, constantly reminding me exactly how screwed my life was.

My body shook with the intensity of my sobs. My eyes stung, my head reeled and my throat was raw. Every pore in my body was screaming out. The pain was almost physical; maybe worse than physical. The pain threatened to rip me apart. If there was a pain in this world, it could, in no way, surpass what I was feeling. If it wasn't for whoever held me right now, I would literally fall apart.

But the body supporting mine was shaking too. Silent sobs mingled with mine to form an agonizing combination. Something about his scent was familiar and the way the arms wrapped around me… I couldn't pull myself out of my stupor long enough to make a guess so I just looked up to the person who was holding me together and for a brief moment, I fought the urge to recoil.

Sam stared at me with a look of pain, regret and sympathy all rolled into one. My first impulse was to pull away and get as far away from him as I could. My more rational self however, warned me that this wouldn't be the best thing. He was holding on to me; I was holding on to him; somehow, there was a strange connection in all this. We were probably the two people most affected by Emily's death. We were the closest people in her life and this came as a huge blow to us.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his eyes begging me to understand… but I didn't know what was there to understand. I didn't know what he was apologizing for. I didn't know… anything.

I'd stupidly promised Emily I'd take care of him. I shook my head sadly. I, Leah Clearwater, had solemnly promised Emily that I would take care of Sam Uley, the very same person who'd ripped my heart out and left it to dry. How much more stupidity could a single person earn in one lifetime?

I glared at him, trying to decipher the look on his face and the message in his eyes. It was useless. My brain refused to function. It adamantly refused to be of any help. It just sat at the top of my head like a giant pile of shit and watched me waste away.

The only thing in me that still functioned was my heart. It sat there; millions of pieces working together to remind me of how shitty my entire existence was. The tangle of emotions running through it was making it hard for me to breathe. I hated Sam for breaking my heart and I wished I could blame him for Emily's death. That way, I could justifiably chop his balls off and shove them up his ass. On the other hand, I loved him. What I'd once felt for him hadn't gone away after he walked out on me; it had just been clouded under the cover of my anger. My love for him ran all the way to the core of my existence. If all else ceased and his love was left, I'm pretty sure it would be enough to sustain me. I wanted to be angry with him for all that I was feeling but at the same time, I didn't want to see him suffer.

"Sam…" I whispered. It was supposed to come out as a sneer; a rebuke, but instead, it came out as a plea.

The last time I'd called his name like that was when he told me he was leaving me for Emily. This brought a whole new wave of pain and violent sobs rocked my entire body. Sam reached behind my neck and pulled me into his chest. I couldn't stop the tears… I couldn't stop the pain… I couldn't even stop my heart.

He held me tight; as if he was afraid I'd leave him too. The pain was equally overwhelming for him and I could feel him sobbing too. He rested his forehead on the top of my head and let his breath wash into my hair. I reveled on the feeling, somehow holding on to the tiny hope that despite everything, he still cared about me. But how was it that even in the middle of his pain he was still trying to be strong for me?

I heaved a deep sigh. Emily… she'd probably known that we'd need each other to pull out of this mess. As much as I wanted to hate Sam, I wanted to see that brilliant smile back on his lips but I wouldn't get a chance to see it unless he found the strength to pull out of the grief. It would take a while… probably longer than anyone could bear to wait but somehow, I was willing to keep my side of the bargain. It was our only hope. I had to be strong for him and him for me; that made bile rise in me but I had to suppress it. As much as I didn't want to hear it, I needed him… he needed me; we had to pull out of this _together._

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**all reviews are greatly appreciated.**


	10. Chapter 10:more promises

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**yaay!! finally, this chapter is ready to be posted. i sincerely struggled alot with it, but i hope you'll like it. as usual, all my thanks for the reviews, favs, subscriptions and clicks. they are the only thing keeping me motivated so pleeaaasssee keep them coming.**

**this was not how i intended this chapter to end but it just... ended up that way. sometimes its hard to control my imagination. lol.**

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

**LPOV**

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I lifted my face at the same moment his eyes dropped to meet mine. His gaze was soft but deep. He seemed to see into my soul and somehow, he seemed to understand what I'd been thinking. I didn't turn away… I didn't say a word. Sam didn't say a word either. The intensity of the moment seemed to tell it all. I'd have stayed in that position for hours, maybe days, without noticing the rest of the world but eventually, Sam broke the silence.

"I should get you home," he whispered. The moment was so intense that even a whisper seemed insanely loud.

My brain was still frozen and I found it hard to form a coherent question.

"Seth… Mom…"

"They'll be fine."

For a strange reason I believed him; I trusted him. I simply nodded and waited for him to lead the way out. He didn't let go of me. He simply slid his hand around my waist and led me out. The tears had stopped and the sobs didn't threaten me anymore. However, the end results of all that was a headache and a great wave of fatigue. I'd almost forgotten exactly how much energy it took to cry and exactly how wasted it made you feel.

I leaned my head on his shoulder and allowed my feet to lead me forward. I had no strength left in me. The pain was no less intense than it had been earlier, I just couldn't cry about it anymore. I doubted I even had any more tears left in me. I wouldn't be surprised if I'd drained all my tear reserve for a lifetime.

Sam opened the passenger door and helped me in. He buckled me up and hurried around to the driver's side. He eyed me warily, as if waiting for the next round of waterworks to begin, but said nothing. He stretched out his hand and took mine in his. I looked down at out entwined fingers and silently cursed myself for the soft warmth and fast heart rate caused by the simple gesture. How on earth could I still love him so much even after breaking my heart? I shook my head sadly, trying to understand how complicated life was but how some further complication was added to it by love.

"Relax," he whispered.

I looked up and met his concerned gaze on me. I tried to push away the hope that he still loved me and cared for me but the look in his eyes kept it there. It was like a small glimmer of light at the end of my dark, miserable tunnel; a silent flame in a far corner of my heart. No matter how insignificant it was, the slight hope gave me a reason to keep living… keep pushing… keep fighting.

I looked away from him and leaned my forehead against the window. The whole way to La Push, I didn't say a word. I tried to make sense of my jumbled thoughts on what my life had turned into. First, I'd lost Sam to Emily, now we'd both lost Emily. What would become of me now? What would become of Sam? What would become of us? Would there ever be an 'us' again?

A part of me was revolted by the idea. That was the part that wanted to be mad at Sam for the rest of my miserable life. There was however a part of me that wished for a chance. I glanced at him and found him looking at me, the same concern in his eyes. It hurt me to see him in so much pain and I wanted nothing more than to make him happy.

I gave him a weak smile, trying to let him know I was ok but he didn't look convinced. He simply shook his head slightly. Oh well, too bad I couldn't come up with anything convincing to tell him. Instead of trying, I simply turned back to the window in the hope that with my eyes out of the way, he'd keep his on the road. The trees passed by in a green blur and the La Push River snaking its way below us just made the place more beautiful. I was amazed at how peaceful I was starting to feel; even to the point of marveling at the beauty of nature, a small bright side of having a damaged brain.

The constant view of trees rushing past us pushed me deep into a mental trance. We got home faster than I expected. I guess I was just so out of it that I didn't notice the time passing by; or maybe it was due to Sam's tendency to drive fast. Whatever the reason was, I was glad to be home.

Sam got to my door before I could pull myself out of my current trance. He opened the door and held his hand out for me, which I took with no questions. His hand was once again around my waist as he led me to the house. He got the key from on top of the door frame as naturally as if he had placed it there.

In the living room, I turned to look at him. So many questions were running through my mind with no answers that the frustration was driving me crazy. I had to speak them out now.

"Why, Sam? Why are all these things happening to me… to us?"

He stared deep into my eyes and a wave of extreme pain crossed his face. He pushed it away and gave me the only answer I didn't want to hear because it was the only one I could come up with. I was hoping he'd have something more concrete for me to hear.

"I don't know," he spoke softly.

He was so close to me that when he spoke, his breath washed over my face. I closed my eyes for a moment, reveling at the feeling that gave me. When I opened them, he was still staring at me, waiting for me to speak again.

"You know… I think Emily was smart." I stated matter-of-factly. He raised his eyebrows and tilted his head, not knowing where I was heading with this. "Maybe giving up is the easiest way out." I had been thinking this over and over and the more I thought about it, the more truth I found in it.

At this, he closed his eyes and looked away. When he turned back to me, his eyes were full of agony mixed with a hint of reproof.

"Leah, please don't…" he whispered, "you can't bail out on me now…"

"Why can't I? What do I have left to fight for, huh? I've lost almost everything I value in life. I lost you, I lost my sanity, my peace, and now I've lost Emily." The words were simply flowing out. I was no longer in control of whatever ran out of my mouth.

"You haven't lost everything…"

"Yet," I cut him off, "I might never know what tomorrow holds for me. Every time I think I've had it, life deals me another blow. I don't know how much more I can take…" I stared at him intently, willing him to understand.

"You're strong, Leah…"

"Apparently not strong enough for all this; how much farther do I have to fall before I hit the bottom?" I really wished this was the worst of my blows. I was pretty sure I couldn't handle anything else in this state.

"I don't know how far but what I know is that no matter how far it is I'll be right here with you. You won't have to do it alone." His eyes burned into mine with an intensity that made me flinch. He sounded so sure of himself; so certain of what he said.

"Sam, please don't," I whispered, shaking my head at him.

"Don't what?" he gave me a confused stare.

"Make any more promises." It was hard to forget what the memory of his promises had done to me when he walked away. "It will only make it harder on me when you leave again."

"I'm not going anywhere," he stated firmly. Something in his eyes told me that was true but I was still defensive. After all, they say fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I had to be careful. I felt like I was treading water and any careless slip on my side would have me drowning in it.

"Why? Is it because of the promise you made to Emily?" I was pretty sure that was the reason but I was still hoping there was something more to it.

"Even if I hadn't promised her, I would still be here for you." My eyes welled at this, not out of pain, but out of confirmation that after all, he wasn't here for me out of obligation. "Please, don't cry." He reached out and wiped away a tear with the back of his hand.

"Why shouldn't I?" I hiccupped.

"Because I'm being honest with you; I want you to be happy. Just promise me you won't bail out on me. Promise you'll keep fighting."

"But you left me once…" I was still being defensive; protecting whatever was left of my heart.

"But that doesn't mean it was because I didn't love you, Leah. I had no choice. I promise you…"

"Don't…" I didn't want him making more promises, but he did anyway.

"I promise that soon, you'll find out why I had to do it; you'll understand everything. I just need you to be a little patient. Do you trust me?"

Against all that my brain was yelling at me, I nodded quietly. I didn't understand why, but even after breaking my heart, I still trusted him. He still loved me. He'd just told me that his still loved me. I turned that simple statement around in my brain, feeling myself getting lightheaded.

"I love you." The words came out in a whisper, with no consent from me.

"And that's all that I need," he whispered and lowered his mouth to mine.

His lips caressed mine softly and tenderly.

His arm tightened around me, pulling me closer to him. My hands moved, of their own accord, around his neck. I pulled myself closer, as if that was even possible. Our lips moved in perfect synchronization, just like old times. He parted my lips with his tongue and pushed it into my mouth, deepening the kiss. Any hint of uncertainty I had about his feelings for me was washed away in the heat of our passion. With his tongue in my mouth, I could barely control myself. I pushed myself hard against him, wishing we could remain like this forever. He ran his hand down my back, leaving a trail of blazing heat through the thin fabric of my shirt. When his hand got to my belt, he ran it along my waistline, underneath my shirt. A small sigh escaped my lips as I gently bit on his lower lip, causing him to groan throatily. That single sound woke every feeling within me, driving me close to insanity. He moved his hands back up my back, into my hair, pushing harder into me. As our lips parted for air, I looked into his eyes. The fire in them blazed more fiercely than ever before.

"Oh, Sam," I sighed as he brought his lips to my jaw, kissing his way down to my throat. I threw my head back and dug my fingers into his hair. He left a trail of fire as he kissed his way back to my lips. This time, his lips were more demanding. I wanted to give him my all… I wanted him more than I'd ever done in my life. Everything around me ceased to exist. All that existed was Sam's body pressed against mine.

I hadn't realized we'd been moving until my back came into contact with the wall. With the wall behind me, it was easier for him to lean even closer. My hands snaked beneath his shirt, caressing the hard muscles of his chest and stomach. He groaned softly at this and lifted me off the ground. I easily wrapped my feet around him, using the wall as leverage. For all I cared, the rest of the world could burn to ashes and I wouldn't move from here.

The second time our lips parted, we were both gasping for air.

"Stay with me, please," he whispered.

"Forever," in that moment, I couldn't be so sure of anything else.

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**_thank you for all the wonderful reviews. keep them coming... tell me what you think or feel about the story so far..._**


	11. Chapter 11: what the heck?

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**_as usual... thnx for all the reviews... they go a long way._**

**_ok, i'm seriously nervous about this chapter so please review it and tell me what you think. i hope the twist wasn't too sharp..._**

**_anyway, i own none of twilight, Stephenie Meyer owns it all._**

**_LPOV_**

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I slowly opened my eyes and looked around at my alarm clock. 6.30 am. Something was awfully wrong with me. I felt… wrong. What was it that was tagging at the back of my mind? I tried to put a finger on what was bothering me and for a few brief seconds, the frustration almost crushed me… almost. What actually did the job were the memories of the previous night. Now that was what felt wrong. I gasped as the weight of them overwhelmed me. My brain wasted no time in giving me the images in great detail.

Oh no, this couldn't be true. I felt a wave of nausea wash over me and could feel the bile rising in me. I jumped out of bed and got to the toilet just in time. I knelt over the toilet bowl long after I was done puking, just feeling… feeling… what is it that I was feeling? I didn't know... I didn't want to know. Dizziness was threatening to engulf me. I rose slowly and moved to the mirror. My hair was disheveled, my eyes groggy. My overall appearance was less than fitting but this did not bother me; even the fact that I looked pale and sick didn't do anything to worry me. All this because deep down inside, I was burning with a feeling so deep I could hardly put a name to it.

I stood there, staring at myself, the anger, frustration and guilt building together simultaneously to fill my chest. I was suffocating… I couldn't breathe anymore… I was going to die. With a loud cry of agony, I folded my hand into a tight fist, pulled it back and shoved it, as hard as I could, into the mirror. The pain instantly shot through my arm and the blood started flowing. I bit hard on my tongue to hold the scream that was building inside. Somehow, I couldn't bring myself to regret my actions as the glass shards fell around me noisily. Not that I wasn't worried about what my mom would say about it, I just didn't have any room in me for any more emotion. I shoved my bloody hand into my hair and pulled viciously, wishing I could just yank it off, letting the pain wash over me. The pain was building… my breathing was labored… I couldn't stand this anymore. Everything around me was spinning in slow circles and for the first time in my life, I seriously wondered if I hadn't already lost my mind.

I felt my knees give and sank to the floor, all my emotions transforming to bitter tears. How could I? How in the world could I be so stupid… so weak… so disrespectful? Emily had just passed; not even buried yet and there I was right back into Sam Uley's arms. What was I thinking?

I didn't know how long I sat there, just building my emotions to two I could manage; anger and hate. I was mad at myself for what happened but I was even madder at Sam. How could he do this? After all, he's the one that had left me. He'd told me that he loved me but then what would that mean for his short relationship with my cousin? I could justify my actions by the fact that I wasn't over him yet… but that didn't make me feel any better. If I was a bitch, then Sam was an even bigger bitch. Having to put a bigger blame on him gave me the strength to drag my stupid ass off the floor and into the shower. I allowed the hot water to run over me, washing away some of my tension.

When I was dressed and ready, I took a deep breath and braced myself for the day ahead. I needed to push all my issues out of my mind and be strong for mom and Seth. I walked slowly into the kitchen and headed straight for the table. I gave mom a kiss on the cheek and Seth one on the forehead. He stared at me for a moment, blinking repeatedly and then grinned stupidly. This kid was the strangest human species I'd ever seen. He always found something to smile about.

"Thanks, Leah. That's new…"

"Don't get used to it," I couldn't help giving him a weak smile in return.

I got a bowl of cereal and joined them at the table. They gave no sign that they'd had my insane behavior this morning. They were probably still sleeping, or maybe out for a morning walk. Whatever the reason was, I was grateful. I didn't feel like answering any questions. As soon as I took my seat, my mom looked at me intently from across the table, as if searching for answers in my eyes, and then reached out and held my hand in hers. I instinctively hid my left hand, now wrapped in a handkerchief, under the table.

"How are you?" she asked softly, seeming not to have noticed my injury.

"I don't know," it was the most sincere answer I could give her.

"You broke the bathroom mirror." It wasn't a question... it was a statement and as she said it, she nodded towards my hidden hand. Wow, so much for thinking they didn't hear me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, dropping my eyes to the bowl in front of me.

"Don't be," she stated simply. "May I?" she motioned toward my left hand.

I slowly stretched it across the table and watched as she removed the now blood-stained piece of cloth. She turned my hand this way and that and shook her head slowly. She then dropped it and walked off in the direction of her bedroom.

"It's going to be ok," Seth spoke softly, putting his hand on my arm. I looked at him and marveled at the level of innocence in his eyes. I wished I could be as optimistic as he was. I couldn't give him a straight response to his comment so I simply nodded and turned my attention to my cereal, which looked more and more repulsive as my mind went through a run-down of the events that happened over the last twenty-four hours.

Mom startled me a few minutes later when she walked up beside me with a first-aid kit in hand. Once again, I was sitting there, wincing as she picked the pieces of glass from my cuts. She didn't make any comments or ask for any explanation. She seemed to understand that whatever had caused my fury, I wouldn't want to talk about it.

Instead, she filled me in about the funeral plans. My dad and the other elders wanted the funeral in two days. My mom didn't object. She explained to me exactly what would be happening and how everything would be done. It wouldn't be anything huge or complicated; just a simple burial ceremony.

Our conversation was interrupted by three firm knocks on the door.

"I'll get it," Seth was already rushing towards the door before I could even turn around.

I heard the door open waited to hear who would come in. There was a tense silence for a few moments in which my mind ran wild with possibilities and then…

"Leah!" Seth almost shouted. In that instant, I could've bet all my savings on who was gracing us with their presence. As I pulled my hand out of my mom's and walked towards the door, I could feel the anger building up a fresh. I took a deep steadying breath, bracing myself for the moment.

"Leah," Sam called from the doorway as soon as he saw me.

"What do you want?" I asked coldly.

A look of total shock and confusion crossed his eyes, almost making me laugh. I always liked to offer people the opposite of what they expected to receive. That way, their asses learnt to be careful when treading my lines.

"I… I just… wanted to see you…" he struggled for words.

I crossed my arms across my chest and glared at him, fighting the urge to scream or shove something at him. I looked over at Seth, who looked totally confused by our little exchange.

Turning my eyes back to Sam, I spoke softly.

"Seth, go back inside. I think Sam and I need to have a chat."

Seth looked from me to Sam and then back at me.

"But Leah, are you sure…" he trailed off, glaring at Sam. It seemed like after the shock of Emily's death had worn off, everyone had gone back to their right mind. Even Seth was not so ready to befriend Sam after breaking my heart once. His words still rang clearly in my mind, _the next time he hurts you, even you won't be able to stop me._

I turned my eyes on him once more, pleading. "Please Seth, just go, I don't want the blood to get all over you."

He gave Sam a final warning glare and walked off. I walked out onto the porch and closed the door behind me. I didn't want my mom to have to listen to what I was about to say.

"Leah, what's wrong?" Sam almost whispered.

I spun on my heel and looked him right in the face.

"Do you want to know what's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong. _Everything _is wrong, Sam," I put as much emphasis into the word everything as I could.

"Leah, I don't understand…" he started but I wouldn't let him talk me into something more stupid.

"Of course you don't, that's why I'm going to explain it in simple lay-man's language. Sam, what do I look like to you?"

He started to answer but I wouldn't let him have a word out.

"Whatever it is that you see when you look at me, I hope it doesn't resemble a vending machine, because I'm not one."

His confusion was getting deeper.

"Sam, you left me… you walked out on me… you shredded my heart into a million pieces and walked right over it."

"Leah, please…"

"Just shut up and listen, Sam," my voice was steadily rising and I was surprised at how strong I sounded.

"You left me for Emily. When Emily passed, you came back and said that you loved me."

"But I do…"

"Could you stop interrupting me? It's getting on my nerves." He flinched at my tone. He looked at me like I was deranged but I didn't care. His soft eyes and whispers would not save him this time.

"Sam I'm not just an object on which you dump your emotions whenever you have an overload. I am a human girl with _feelings. _You can understand that, right? You look almost human to me," a pained expression clouded his face at that point but I didn't stop. I just kept talking.

"Sam, with your kind of brain it would probably take you a life time to realize what you are, so I'll save you the trouble and just tell it to you. You're an asshole, Sam and you best believe that I will personally poke you a new one."

Sam looked at me, so many emotions crossing his face. He looked stunned by my sudden change of heart. This was definitely not what he was expecting. He raised his eyebrows at my last phrase so I took it upon myself to explain.

"A new asshole Sam. I'll poke you a new one. From the look of it, you look like you need two, one to shit from, and one to shove your balls into."

His breathing was coming out in gasps and his hand was clutching at his chest. He looked like he was about to cry. A small wave of sympathy washed over me but I wasn't done yet.

"Leah, what happened…?"

"I got back to my senses, that's what happened. I realized what you take me for and I'm not ready to have it."

"I'm sorry you feel that way," he whispered, his eyes burning into mine.

"You're sorry?" I was almost shouting. "Sam, did you say you're sorry? You must have skipped kindergarten on the day they taught the meaning to that word because all you do is say it, but you never mean it."

"Leah…"

"I'm tired of listening to you, Sam Uley. I think it's time for you to leave."

"Leah, please..."

"I said leave..."

Just as he was about to argue, a voice behind me made me start.

"Sam Uley," mom spoke clearly, a hint of a smile playing at the edges of her lips, "it's good to see you around today. However, the next time you show your face around, it won't be so great, so I advise you to leave."

I gaped at my mom. Apparently, that's where I'd gotten all my sarcasm. Sam looked at both of us, mouthed an 'I'm sorry' and walked off, shoulders slumped.

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**_i'm really nervous about this chapter so pleeaassee review..._**


	12. Chapter 12: Bright Side?

**_I don't even know where to begin... I apologize for all this time. School got crazy, my schedule got out of hand and my life got wild. Everything is better now, thank heavens for the holidays. I'm finally home!! guess what that means? More time to update!! yaay!! I really can't make up for all the time I haven't updated. All I hope is that y'all can forgive me and give the rest of the story a chance. I'll try to update as often as possible and if i can, i want to finish the story before the end of my break._**

**_Ok... what's next? let me see... I knnow! Time to thank some special people. The first one is my Oh so awesome Beta, Juliamine. I love you! love you! love you!_**

**_I wouldn't forget to thank you all for your comments and reviews. you are all amazing! I love every sigle one of you. I've been falling back on replying to your reviews but I'll try to get to them soon._**

**_Anyway, i don't want to take up all your time with all my chit chat. Go on ahead and please don't forget to leave a review. Let me know what you think about the story so far. One more thing before i go though. The disclaimer._**

**_I own alot of stuff. Teddy Bears, chocolate bars and candy canes, but I don't own Twilight. I wish I did, but sadly, I don't._**

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**LPOV**

I sat on my bed with my face in my hands. The funeral was finally over, but that didn't mean that my problems were over as well. I was still angry as ever. Sam had had the nerve to try and talk to me at the funeral. His endless apologies were quickly getting old. I sincerely didn't want to talk to him. Well, maybe I did but I wasn't ready yet.

Well, on the bright side of things, Jake and Embry seemed to have recovered from whatever fever they'd been suffering from. To be really sincere, they seemed healthier than a lot of people who recover from long sickness. They seemed bigger than normal teenagers their age should be and they seemed to have this strange bond to Sam. Quil seemed to have joined the party too. It's as though they had some sort of a clique. The six largest boys I'd ever seen walking around in La push; Sam, Jared, Paul, Jake and Embry. Other than that, La Push was the same old place I'd known all along, with one exception; I missed Emily. We had been close and despite what she'd done to me, her loss wasn't something I could easily take. It was not something I would just accept. The pain of her loss still tore at me. The sobs tore at me slowly at first but gradually increased in intensity. I tried hard to make no noise. The last thing I wanted was Seth walking into my room with a stupid grin on his face trying to make me see the bright side of life. I wasn't even too sure there were any 'bright sides' left to look at.

"Leah."

I fought hard not to scream. All I allowed out of my throat was a groan. Why wouldn't people agree to the concept of my privacy? All I wanted was some peace, some time alone and some space from everyone around me. It seemed to me that was a foreign concept to everyone. My mother tapped on my door before calling again.

"Leah, honey, can I come in?"

"Yes, mom," I mumbled, knowing she wouldn't hear me. I knew she would let herself in anyway whether I answered her or not. She turned the knob and walked in, coming to sit next to me.

"She's gone, mom. It's not fair," I whispered.

"I know, I'm so sorry," she said as she wrapped her arms around me. "Leah, you don't feel ok. I think you're running a fever," mom said in a worried voice as she laid her hand on my forehead.

"Mom, it's just the stress. It will wear out with time," I said lightheartedly.

Now that she'd mentioned it, I was feeling lightheaded and a queasy feeling was building up in my stomach.

"Maybe I should get you to a doctor," she said.

"Mom!" I scolded, "you're being paranoid, momma. I told you it's the stress. There's been a lot going on lately. I just need to lie down for a while and everything will be just fine."

I tried to sound as convincing as possible but deep down inside, I could swear a volcano was exploding in my body. I felt strangely tired and I could feel the heat building up in my body. Maybe I'd pushed my body too far. Maybe the stress was really more than I could handle. But that didn't make sense to me. I was strong, both mentally and physically. I could look in the mirror and be proud of what I say. I had the physique of someone who exercised daily. I liked to run and I was pretty good at it. All these were signs of good health but here I was feeling sick. I hadn't lost a pound since everything happened with Sam and Emily. If anything, I looked way better than before. Hence, the fact that I was falling sick, right at the end of everything made no sense to me.

Mom gave me a look I'd seen a hundred times since Sam ditched me.

"Leah, you don't have to prove that you're strong. It's ok to take a helping hand when you need it," she added, trying to be as convincing as possible.

"Mom, I know you're worried, but you don't need to be. I'll be fine, I promise," I said, giving her the best smile I could.

Mom opened her mouth to argue but before the words could leave her mouth…

"MOM!"

It was a scream of pain, like someone who was fighting for their life. my heart skipped a beat and my skin burst with a million goose bumps. Never in my life had I heard Seth sounding so agonized.

"Seth?" mom called as she ran out of my room. I remained on my bed, not sure what I should do next. I was worried about Seth, but I was scared by what I would find if I went to him. My mind yelled orders but my body wouldn't obey. I was frozen on my bed.

A few moments passed before I broke out of my trance. I sprang from my bed and ran to the door. Mom and Seth were in the bathroom. Seth was on the floor, kneeling over the toilet bowl. He had both hands clutching the sides of his head. Mom made as though to kneel next to him.

"Don't, mom," Seth said, "Please don't. I'll be fine."

What in the world was wrong with my brother? Even after throwing his guts up, he still found a way to look at the 'bright side' of life.

"Seth," I called as I made my way past mom to kneel by him.

"Leah, no," he protested.

"I don't care what you say Seth. You're my little brother and if I want to kneel next to you and try to find out what's wrong with you, I will."

Seth groaned, right before bending over and throwing all the lunch up into the toilet. He then looked at me and whispered.

"Just go, please. I don't want you watching this."

"I don't care, Seth. I'm not going anywhere," I said, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. "Mom, on the other hand, needs some rest." I turned to look at my mom. I didn't want her to watch Seth like this. That would just increase the worry that had been sparked by my fever. Mom started to argue but I cut her off.

"Mom, he'll be fine. I'll see to it."

She grudgingly turned to the door and walked away, sniffing softly. When she was gone, I turned back to my brother.

"Seth, do you want to tell me what in the world is happening to you?"

"I don't know, Leah. But I know one thing."

"What?"

"I wasn't feeling too good earlier during the funeral and I told dad about it. He said he'll be home. He also added something about sending Sam over. Something about 'he saw the signs'"

"Seth, what are you talking about? You're not making any sense."

"I know, Leah. Jake and Embry…"

The rest of Seth's words were lost to me as a sharp pain shot through my head and all my stomach contents came rushing out. Seth moved out of the way right on time as I bent over the toilet seat.

"Mom!" Seth yelled again.

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**_There it is... what do you think?_**


	13. Chapter 13: you've got to be kidding me!

_**Here is the real chapter 13. I apologize for uploading 14 before this and i really hope the confusion isn't too much. Anyway, thank you all who read and reviewed... that means the world to me. please let me know what you think about the story so far.**_

_**Disclaimer: I own pens, books and ideas but i don't own Twilight... sad.**_

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**SPOV**

I paced mindlessly across the small space the couch left in my living room. Of all the horrors I'd imagined, this was not one of them. Not because it wasn't a horror, but because it was too horrible for my imagination to conceive. The pack had grown. I wasn't the only member any more. Although it saddened me deeply when Paul, Jared, Jacob, Quil and Embry phased, I had to admit I was glad to finally have company to share the secret with. The five of us were enough, since there were no more leeches in town. Rumor had it that the Cullen clan had left town and that was the best news I could ever dream of getting. All this, however, did not ease the turmoil within me. I looked back at Harry, sitting on my couch with his head in his hands.

"Are you sure about this, Harry? I mean… can we be really positive?" I asked, stopping for a moment to collect my thoughts.

"I wish I wasn't, Sam. The signs were there. I knew it was just a matter of time and then when he told me earlier today that he wasn't well, I knew it's almost done. Sam, he probably has a week or less before he phases. We need to get him ready before then," he said.

"But he's only a kid," I said, picturing Seth, the happiest kid I'd ever known, turning into what I was. I looked at Harry and felt for him. It must have been agonizing for him, knowing Seth was going to phase in the near future. I couldn't imagine the pain it would bring him.

"I know," he answered, almost inaudibly.

I paced the room a couple of more times, trying to figure the situation out. Billy and Quil would soon be at the Clearwater's to check on Seth. I would have to go too, but that could only mean one thing; I'd have to deal with Leah and Sue. I'd seen Leah at the funeral. I'd even tried to talk to her but she wouldn't give me a chance. However, despite this, I had to go check on Seth. I needed to explain to him what was going on before it was too late.

"Come on, Harry," I said, heading for the door. He followed me to the car and got into the driver's seat. I would've offered to drive but I didn't think I was in the right state of mind to do it.

He drove slower than he usually did and he didn't say much until we got to his house. When we got to the door, he turned to me. "Let me talk to him first and then you'll explain the rest." I nodded and followed him inside.

I sat on the edge of the couch while harry went on inside. Leah was nowhere to be seen and neither was Sue. I buried my head in my hands and tried to think straight. Seth would be shocked. I had to find a gentle way to break the news to her. A few moments passed before I heard somebody enter the living room. I looked up and met Sue's stern gaze.

"Uley," she nodded.

"Sue," said softly and dropped my gaze. She didn't know anything yet but sooner or later, she'd have to find out. I felt as if my heart would break a million times. My mind raced back to the first time I phased and a cold chill ran through me.

"Would you like something to drink," she offered.

"No, thank you," I said, surprised. She didn't sound angry. That surprised me as much as it relieved me. That was one less person to worry about. My head was still spinning from all that was going on in it.

"You don't look well, Sam." It wasn't a question.

I looked up at her and gave her the best smile I could. "I'll be fine," I said.

She looked at me for a moment, nodded and walked off to the kitchen. After a little thought, I decided to take a little risk. Sue seemed understanding at the moment so I was sure she wouldn't be too tough on me. I walked over to the kitchen and stopped at the doorway.

"Sue," I called.

"Hmm," she said and turned to me.

"I was just wondering if I could talk…" I broke off and tried to organize my words in a way that would be acceptable.

"Talk to Leah?" she asked before I could formulate a proper phrase.

I nodded and waited for her response.

"Sam, I don't think this is a good time. Leah's not feeling well at the moment."

My heart skipped a beat.

"Not feeling well?" I asked, uncertainly. I knew Emily's death had dealt Leah a tough blow but she was never one to be weighed down by situations. She was strong and if sue said she wasn't feeling well, it had to bad.

"Yes, she and Seth got sick shortly after we got home. They're both running terrible fevers and complaining of headaches. They insist it's the stress but it doesn't look that simple to me. I tried to call a doctor but Leah would hear nothing of it. She told me to give them some time to rest it off, so I did," she said and then looked at me.

"I'm so sorry, Sue," I whispered, fighting the most horrible idea that had ever crossed my mind. I refused to acknowledge what I was thinking and did my best to shove it out of my mind.

"Sam," Harry called behind me.

I turned to look at him and the pain he was trying to hide was clear in his eyes.

"Harry, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked, feeling as if the ground was vanishing beneath me. I had to keep myself in control. However tough it was, I had to suppress my feelings. The last thing I'd have wanted was phasing in the Clearwater's living room with Sue standing right there.

He nodded and walked outside. When the door was closed behind us, he turned to face me.

"I told him about the legends. He's broken but he's trying to be strong," he said before I could say a word.

"I'll help him from there," I said and then stopped to take a deep breath. "Harry, Leah's sick."

"I know," he said, "it is unfortunate."

"Harry," I said, as though he hadn't heard me the first time.

"I know what you're thinking, Sam. It can't happen. I'm sure of that," he said confidently. He sounded so sure of himself that I had no reason not to believe him. Assured that Leah would be fine, I got back in the house and went to see Seth.

"May I come in?" I asked after a soft tap on the door.

"Yeah, come in," Seth said in a hollow voice.

I walked over to the bed and sat next to him. He looked horrible. He sat propped up on pillows with a glass of water on the desk next to him. There was a slight tremor to his hand and a thin sweat covered his forehead. All these symptoms were familiar to me. I'd had them myself.

"Are you one of them?" he asked.

"One of who?" I looked at him.

"The tribe's protectors… the werewolves," he said softly.

I nodded and shifted my gaze to the floor. I'd done this four times, once for every member of the tribe, but this was different. Seth was too young and too innocent. Life had an ironic way of rewarding some people for their good nature.

"Seth," I started, looking back into his eyes. "You don't have to be scared. It might be a little…"

"I'm not scared," he cut me off. "I was actually relieved. I don't like getting sick because it means one is weak, so when I got sick earlier, I was totally freaking out. I thought I was going to die… either of shame or the fever. When dad told me what was going on, I realized I'm not weak. I'm sick for a reason. At least I'm not dying," he said with a smile.

This just hurt me more. Despite everything, Seth was taking this better than any one of us had. He saw the good in it and he even seemed excited about it. It looked like I wasn't going to give him _the talk_ after all.

"Is that why you left her," he asked softly after a moment.

I looked into his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Yes, I imprinted on Emily," I said simply.

"Imprinted?" he asked, confused.

"It's a rare concept that happens to us, but not all of us. It's sort of like love at first sight, only stronger. We seem to be attracted to the person who will help pass the gene best. It's something one can't ignore. It's as if you have no choice. You'll understand it better soon though," I said.

He nodded and took a drink of his water. He asked me what it was like to phase and how it felt to be on four legs. For the most part, he seemed thrilled by the idea. I really didn't see how he could be happy about it but I was happy for him. Unlike the rest of us – well with the exception of Quil – he wouldn't go through the trauma after phasing. Quil had been so excited about getting to hang out with Jacob and Embry that he didn't mind the whole wolf thing.

After a long talk with Seth, I went back home to tell the others and wait until his day to join us came.

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**_there we go... what do you think?_**


	14. Chapter 14: You what!

_**Finally, a new chapter. I won't even start apologizing because nothing I can say can fully express or excuse my failure. However, I can just say the reason it took me so long was because I was trying to finish my book which I'm close to doing. I'm hoping to get it published soon.**_

**_Anyway, special thanks to my Beta, Juliamine. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Lots of love to you._**

**_Thanks to all of you for taking the time to read and review... that means the world to me. Finally, the dislaimer._**

**_I own... books, pens and ideas but I fail to own the one thing I wish I did... Twilight._**

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**LPOV**

I stared up at my ceiling and sighed. It'd been a week since I'd fallen sick and every day I woke up feeling like crap. I was getting tired of laying in bed all day and the fact that Sam, Jake, Quil, Embry, Paul and Jared were constantly at my house creeped me out. I didn't understand why they felt the need to come see Seth every day. Since when did they care so much about my brother? Well, my best bet was that since they all seemed to spend their time with Sam these days, they had no choice but to be here. Nevertheless, their presence bothered me.

It was a good day out. I could tell by the amount of light coming through my window. I wished I could go outside but mom had ordered me to stay in bed. Of course I could easily ignore the order and go out but I was trying to keep her happy. She seemed deeply depressed by Seth's and my condition. I seriously didn't think it was bad enough to get her worrying that much but I didn't dare to voice that opinion.

"Seth, no," I heard mom say.

"Look, mom, how many sunny days do we ever get sunshine down here?" my brother asked, a little too loud for his sweet self. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who was tired of staying in bed. Seth wanted to go out too, but he wasn't being too nice about it.

"Seth, calm down," Sam said.

"Why do you all treat me like…" the rest of the words were drowned out by an agonized cry. It was Seth. He was in pain… great pain. His cry was worse than the one I'd heard more than a week before. Suddenly, mom screamed. Hers was worse than Seth's. it cut right through me and gave me goose bumps.

"Sam, do something," mom cried.

There was commotion but I didn't know what it was all about. Seth was not violent so I was sure he wasn't trying to fight anyone. Everyone was yelling at the same time. I had no time for guessing games so I got out of bed and walked toward Seth's room.

"Leah, no. you can't come in here," dad said but it was too late.

With one more deafening cry of agony, I watched what would surpass all the horror movies I'd ever subjected myself to. Seth seemed to explode into a million pieces. His clothes ripped into tiny shreds and settled on the floor around the room. So suddenly that I almost missed it, Seth's form was replaced by a giant animal. It had the features of a wolf but was the size of a bear.

Everything around me froze. I stared at the animal for a few seconds before a deafening scream escaped me.

"Seth!" I screamed and made to run to him but a sharp pain in my head made me hunch over. I cried aloud when I felt my skin stretching. I had no idea what was happening to me.

"Leah! Leah, talk to me," mom was screaming nearby, but her voice felt distance. It was completely muffled by the intensity of the pain I was in. I felt my limbs stretching and bones cracking. A fire so intense burned within me that I wished for death.

"Leah, no!" somebody cried, but within seconds, the pain was over.

I opened my eyes and looked up, hoping I'd been in a bad dream and was finally awake. I came face to face with the wolf form that had replaced my brother. Dad lay still on the floor with mom still screaming. She was looking from me, to Seth, to dad and then to Sam. She cried so much I thought her heart would give up.

That's when I realized that something felt different. I didn't feel sick but I felt weird. I could see the details on the fabric everybody was wearing. I could smell dirty socks, old bread, freshly laundered clothes, and… and… blood? Since when could I smell blood? I looked down at my feet and that was the final blow before I finally lost it. I tried to scream but all that came out of my throat was a howl. Seth just stood there. Well, the wolf form that was once Seth. Sam tried to say something but whatever it was drowned away with my howl.

_Leah, Seth_, somebody called calmly. It was Jared. I looked around for him but he was not in the room.

_He's in your mind_, Seth said calmly, not sounding alarmed by what had just happened. Seth said? I looked at my brother. Wolves weren't supposed to talk.

_I know_, the Seth in my head said. _Now, calm down and go outside. We'll go out to the woods and explain everything."_

Wait a minute, how did Seth know what I was thinking and why was I hearing voices in my head now? I could hear Jacob, Paul, Jared, Quil, Embry and Seth. I looked back at my brother. Had he known this was going to happen? If he knew something I didn't, I would shred him into kibble.

"Leah," Sam said, coming towards me. _Finally, some normal communication…_The only problem was, I couldn't speak so I couldn't answer him, so I just nodded my now-giant head, feeling extremely stupid about it. "Calm down. I'll explain everything, I promise."

Even with me as a giant dog, the stupid son of a bitch still had a way of reassuring me. God, I really was pathetic.

"Just do as the others tell you. I'll join you as soon as you're in the woods_,"_ he said.

_Ok, Leah. Let's go,_ Seth said.

I didn't have any options. I was confused, angry, worried, scared and any other emotion that came with one suddenly turning into a beast. I slowly squeezed my way through the hallway, past the living room and through the back door. Once outside, I looked around and then walked into the woods. It felt weird walking on four legs and the way everything seemed to be in sharp focus was unnerving.

All the guys did a good job keeping me calm. After a short while, I'd seen a whole lot of images in my head but I still didn't understand why I was what I was.

_Does somebody want to give me a good explanation of all this?_ I asked, finally losing my patience.

_I'll take it from here_, Sam's voice was calm. I looked around and saw him running through the trees toward us.

_Ok, Leah. Later_, Jacob said and ran off. After a moment, I couldn't hear his voice anymore. The others did the same until finally, the only people I could hear were Seth and Sam.

_Leah_, he thought softly, _I'll try my best to explain what is going on, but I need you to remain calm._

I was still mad at him, but my options seemed limited. As much as I didn't want to talk to him, I wanted to know what was going on. I fought the urge to either run my claws across his face or sink my teeth into his neck. The thought seemed to hit a nerve but he did a good job at suppressing whatever it was that he was thinking about.

T_he Quileute's have a rich history that most of us don't know about…_ Sam went into deep detail explaining all the myths and legends of my tribe. At the end of his monologue, one thing stuck to the back of my mind. I was a werewolf.

_A shape shifter,_ Sam corrected.

_Same difference, _I retorted. Then the thought came to me. _Is that why you left? Did it have anything to do with it?_

He suppressed any feelings and looked at Seth, who'd been quiet the whole time. He was thrilled by the myths though and didn't mind turning into whatever we were now.

_Leah, do we really have to go over that?_ He asked.

_I want to know, Sam,_ I answered.

He looked over at Seth. _Seth, I'll help you phase back first. The others will be at your house when you get back. I'm sure you'll be fine._ Seth nodded. Sam told him to relax and get himself as collected as possible. At first, he couldn't do it but after ten minutes of trying, Seth finally phased back, grabbed the clothes Sam had brought and ran through the woods.

Sam turned to me with a deep sigh. I looked into his black eyes and waited for him to explain.

_I imprinted on Emily, _he stated simply. When he realized I couldn't understand, he went into another monologue to explain imprinting. It sounded stupid to me, but at the same time scary. From the images I saw in Sam's mind, there was no way around it. One had no choice once they imprinted. He'd tried to fight it. He'd run as a wolf for days, trying to fight the feeling but at the end of the day, he lost. Seeing things from that perspective changed how I felt. I couldn't be angry with him for something he couldn't control.

_I'm sorry_, I whispered.

_It's ok. You didn't know. I didn't expect you not to be angry. I did love you, though. That day when I took you home, I should've given you time. I know I should, but when you started talking about giving up, I just wanted you with me. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you. Leah, when I said I loved you, I really did mean it_, his mind ran through the incidence after Emily's death and ended with mom sending him away. He told me of how he'd suspected that I'd phase but dad assured him it was impossible. He was sorry, that I was sure. He loved me. I could feel the intensity of it. I wanted to cry out of sheer relief and joy that after all, he'd tried to fight for us. I however still had questions that only he could answer.

_Sam, how did Emily get attacked by a bear?_ I asked.

_We went hiking… it was horrible_, the pain that came with that was almost unbearable. It was mixed with regret, maybe because he wasn't able to save her.

_Sam, Emily hated anything to do with the woods. All she loved was baking and broiling and roasting and toasting… how the hell did you get her to go hiking?_ I asked. He knew what I was asking for, but he wouldn't give it to me.

_Leah, this is already too much for your first day. Can we discuss this later?_ He pleaded.

_Show it to me, Sam. It does you no good keeping it bottled up inside I want to know_, I said.

He started to protest but his mind was already working too fast. Before he could stop it, an image formed in his mind that made my breath catch. It was an image of a large black wolf running its claws down Emily's face to her arm. A deafening scream escaped Emily before she collapsed.

All the control I'd been holding on to crumbled right then. I felt my head get hot and everything was suddenly spinning.

"You monstrous son of a bitch! You killed her!" I screamed and lurched right for his neck.

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_**Before i go, let me make a few recommendations for some great fanfic I've read lately.**_

_**1. The sun also sets; by cold roses**_

_**2. Out of choices**_

_**Don't forget to review!!!**_


	15. Chapter 15: you can't die too

_Ok, when i say this chapter is short, i mean that VERY literary. short as in a few paragraphs. relax though... it's short for a reason. more will follow soon._

_Keep reviewing, please..._

_standard disclaimers apply_

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**LPOV**

I stood there, panting, staring at the black wolf on the ground. Blood was oozing from his neck and a deep gush along his side was making his fur murky. Never in my life had I been so angry. Never before had I allowed my anger to fully control me like I'd just done. I'd never been one to control herself but this… this was beyond lack of control. It was anger, pain, betrayal, grief, love, hate, and agony all mixed into an inexplicable emotion. They all came together forming a force that I couldn't control had I even tried. I let go of who I was and allowed the force to control me.

I dug my teeth into Sam's neck and slashed my claws into his side over and over again. I called him any foul thing that could come to mind and damned him to an eternal life of agonizing misery. I only stopped when my rational mind realized Sam wasn't fighting back. Although he hadn't raised a paw against me this whole time, I realized now that he wasn't moving at all. He simply lay there, blood oozing out of him, but made no movements at all. The anger, and the fury subsided and all that I felt now was pain and worry. Had I killed him? Surely, that was what I had wished for since he broke my heart but now that the prospect seemed so real, I couldn't face it.

_Sam,_ I thought softly, hoping against all odds that he wasn't dead. My paw was still dangling mid-air over him, ready to tear some more marks into him.

_Sam…_

Silence…

_Sam…_

_More silence._

The mental connection was blank.

_Sam…_

I was getting hysterical

_Sam, please talk to me._

He simply lay there, not moving and not saying a word. My heart was beating hard inside my chest. I loved Sam. If I had killed him, there was no reason to go on living. I shoved him with my muzzle but his body was not responding. I felt a wave of panic overcome me.

_Sam is dead…_ I thought, knowing nobody could hear me. _how, Sam? How can you die on me now?_

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. The task was well bordering on the lines of impossible considering the situation. After twenty minutes of trying hard, I was human again. I pulled on the clothes Sam had brought and knelt by his side.

"Sam, please don't die on me now. I need you… I love you."

I waited hopefully for some sort of response but all I got was silence. This put a heavy weight in me and the tears flowed freely. I dug my fingers into his fur and put my head on him as the sobs crashed down on me.

"I'm so sorry, Sam. I did this because I loved you and I didn't want to believe you killed her. I didn't want you dead, Sam. I never did," I sobbed into his thick fur.

I allowed the pain to overcome me and the sobs to rock me until, once I had no more strength left to cry, I let the darkness come over me.

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please review...


	16. Chapter 16: from now to forever

I have some good news and some bad news. The good new is, chapter 16 is finally up. The bad new is... it's the final chapter. I feel like I'm parting with a beloved child (tear tear) but at the same time, i feel like I've accompplished something.

_I couldn't have done all this without you Juliamine, so... Thank you! thank you! thank you! I love you lots._

_I couldn't have done it without all your reviews either, so i thank you for those. Keep them coming... they give me a smile on a rainy day._

_Finally, the disclaimer: I own... everything sweet, but nothing Twilight._

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SPOV

I looked down at Leah lying peacefully, her hair sprawled over my chest. There were still tears on her face but the anger and fury had subsided, leaving her face soft and peaceful. The cut in my side wasn't bleeding anymore, but the scar was an angry red. I wasn't worried about my scars though. I knew they would heal in no time. It was Leah that I was worried about. I didn't know what to expect when she woke up. The minute she opened her eyes and realized where she was, the peaceful face would be gone, probably replaced by rage again.

I contemplated waking her up and getting it over with but I couldn't bring myself to do it. She deserved a few moments of peace before facing the world again… at least that was part of the reason. The bigger reason though, was the fact that I loved to watch her sleep. No emotion etched into her face, no angry words from her slightly parted lips… nothing made my heart swell more than that. It took every ounce of control I had not to bend down and kiss her. I looked at the clothes next to me and sighed. There was no way to put them on without waking her up. _Oh, well, _I thought , _we'll deal with that later._

My mind drifted off to all the changes in my life as my fingers ran through Leah's hair. Everything had happened so fast… too fast. Leah meant everything in my life until I met Emily and everything got complicated. Then Emily died and things got even more complicated. Now Leah was one of us and that was bringing my life to a new level of complication. I didn't know what to expect in life anyore. I didn't even want to know what to expect. I would just sit back and let whatever happened happen.

"you're not dead," the whisper dragged me back to reality.

I looked down into her face, expecting the anger to be back but instead, she was smiling. I wrinkled my brow in confusion.

_She must still be asleep,_ I thought.

She reached her hand to my face and ran it between my eyes, trying to smooth the wrinkles out.

"You're not awake," I whispered.

"what makes you think so," she asked.

"You're smiling at me," I said plainly. There was no point beating about the bush.

"well, if I told you how much of a jackass you are and how much I wantedyou dead, would you believe I'm awake?" she asked sadly. I nodded. "well, I'm sorry to disappoint you but… please don't ever scare me like that again." She finished with a sigh. I was confused.

She sat up and I reached for my shorts, standing to pull them on before sitting back next to her. She had her head down, with hair falling over her face. I wanted to see her face. I wanted to know how angry she was. If she wanted to be away from me forever, I wanted to know. I took her chin in my hand and tilted her face up, so she was looking at me. I was surprised to see tears in her eyes. Leah was crying… that was never good. Leah never cried. When she did, there was a really valid reason for it.

Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her and held her to me. I could feel her tears on my skin and tiny sobs rocking her. She cried for a while before pushing off my chest and looking at me.

"Sam, when I attacked you earlier…" she started. She felt bad about attacking me? That wasn't right. She had every reason for that and she shouldn't feel guilty about it. I opened my mouth to say as much but she raised a finger to stop me.

"Please… let me finish," she said and I nodded. "When I attacked you, it was because i was frustrated. I didn't want to believe what you said. I didn't want it to be true and I wished with all my heart I could make it go away. And then… then you stopped moving… I called out to you but you didn't respond. I was scared. I thought… I thought…"

"you thought I was dead," I said softly.

She nodded before going on.

"from the minute you left me for Emily, I wanted nothing more than to see you dead… at least, that's what I thought. And then there you were, on the ground, not talking to me, not moving. I thought of what life would be without you and found no reason to live at all. Sam, I realized I was just angry, I never wanted you dead, and I definitely don't want you dead now."

"Leah but I…"

"Killed my favorite cousin. Yes, I know that, sam, but the kind of rage that took me over the edge and drove me to do this to you," she ran her finger lightly down my neck to my side, giving me goosebumps, "is the same kind of rage that showed me why you did it. If you were normal, Sam, you wouldn't have lived through what I just did to you. You couldn't control it, Sam. I understand that now."

I stared at her with my mouth slightly open, not believing what I'd just heard. She might not have said the exact words but I think Leah Clearwater just said I was forgiven. While I was still thinking about what to say, she beat me to it.

"Sam, why didn't you fight back?" she asked so softly, I wasn't sure she wanted me to hear.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"when I attacked you. Why didn't you fight back?" she looked at up at me, waiting for an answer.

"Because I knew you had every right to be angry, because I would never raise a finger, or a paw, against you," my voice dropped as I said the last part, "because I love you."

A single tear rolled down her face.

"when did you start?" she asked with a weak smile.

"I never stopped," I smile back.

"I love you too," she whispered.

I reached my hand up to her cheek and slowly dropped my lips to hers, not looking away from her eyes. I wrapped my other hand around her waist and pulled her into my lap. Her lips were soft against mine, her strong body molding perfectly into me. Her breath against my face eliminated everything in the world and left my mind blank. This is where I wanted to be. This is where I was meant to be… forever. As she parted her lips and moaned softly into my mouth, I vowed to never let her go, no matter what life threw my way.

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_When i read the Twilight series, I realized that Leah was left hanging while everyone else got their happy ending. I felt bad for her and decided to give her my own version of her happy ending. I hope I did it justice._

_thank you for outting up with me through it all... it was a journey worth taking_


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